Young loving couple in the bed.

My husband has no problem coming inside my vagina, but he almost never comes in my mouth. I want him to. I guess I just don’t know how to give a “complete” blow job. Any advice?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Your husband’s situation is a subset of a larger issue. Some men have difficulty coming at all, or can’t. Your husband can ejaculate, so he has a mild version of this problem, but in one particular situation, he can’t. Difficulty with ejaculation and orgasm (E/O) is what I call men’s secret sex problem. Most people have heard of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, but like you, many lovers are unfamiliar with E/O difficulties. They affect about 10 percent of men under 50, then an increasing proportion as men get older. For background on this issue I urge you to read the article on Ejaculation and Orgasm Problems.

    Orgasm results from a combination of friction and fantasy. The fantasy is your lover’s department, the friction, yours—with coaching from him to let you know what he finds most arousing.

    For many men, oral stimulation is not intense enough to produce ejaculation and orgasm. I suggest you try a “two-handed blow job,” which involves using both hands while you use your mouth and tongue. While sucking the head of his penis, stroke his shaft with one hand, while fondling his scrotum with the other, or if he enjoys it, the area between his scrotum and anus, or his anus. As you do this, ask him to coach you about what gets him most aroused. If your penile strokes are too intense or your scrotal fondling is uncomfortable, he should either tell you to back off a bit, or give you a nonverbal signal, for example, pinching your ear. Of if he wants more intensity, he should say or signal that. Once you’ve established this communication, don’t be afraid to grip the penis tightly and pull on it fairly forcefully. The penis is a tough little organ. During masturbation, most men pull harder than the vast majority of women would. Be gentler with the scrotum, but it, too, can usually take more than feathery touch. For extra sensation, use lubricant on your hands.

    I mentioned that fantasy is your lover’s department, but you can also help his fantasies by talking to him as you suck and stroke him. You might tell him how much you enjoy sucking him or how much you’re looking forward to tasting his semen.

    Beyond these suggestions, I bet you’d benefit from reading the article on Ejaculation and Orgasm Problems. If my answer and the article don’t resolve things, then I suggest you and your husband consult a sex therapist. Sex therapists have an excellent track record helping couples with your issue. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

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