I am a male in my 60s and have enjoyed playing in the alternative/fetish arena for many years both with partners, and with professional ladies, pro-doms, who cater to my particular interest which is latex/rubber fetishism. What has always been of interest to me is the huge number of videos showing fetish play involving latex clothing or hoods or bondage bags, often in the context of heavy bondage and apparatus. What I find curious is that most of these videos seem to involve women-on-women interactions. A lot fewer show men with women. Also, the women usually are the dominant partner in BDSM scenes with the man being the submissive. Maybe I see it this way because I obviously search for my own areas of interest and thus find more material! Also a lot of videos involving BDSM and latex seem to come from Germany, with America and the UK also providing a goodly proportion.  Japan seems to be the one Asian country heavily into kinky play, producing videos similar to European and American fetish scenes. What seems to be the contradiction is that latex/rubber fetishism is mainly a male interest. In my experience I have not met any woman with a real interest in this fetish, though I have corresponded with a few over the years. Fetishism in general seems to be mainly a male arena. All the latex fetish videos of women interacting with women appears in conflict with reality – ie, women tend not to be very fetishistic. So I wonder why there are so many? The amount would seem to suggest women are heavily into latex, and like interacting with other women! A further point is there is a goodly amount of companies that produce latex clothing which is mainly focused on female attire – men getting far less choice. Of course this reflects the ‘normal’ clothing arena, women being generally more interested in clothing than men. Perhaps women who buy latex clothing are catering for their male partners interest? Anyway, I would be interested in your perspective on this. Perhaps there are more females enjoying wearing and playing in latex than I am aware of…

My husband and I have always had an active sex life. Then a few months ago, I noticed he didn’t really show much interest in fucking anymore. He made excuses like he’s tired or stressed, and even said he just doesn’t think about sex much anymore. Then I discovered he was watching porn regularly. This is not a big issue as we have always enjoyed porn together. I asked him how often and he told me 2 or 3 times a week. In actuality it was 5 to 8 times a day. If he did actually try to have sex, he could not really get a full erection. Then I caught him hugging a younger woman at work and was told by his friend that they are always talking and hugging. I don’t think he cheated or even that he would cheat. But this girl has the same body type and looks as the repeat searches in his porn history. Now I can’t seem to stop hating myself. I don’t look like these women. I’m not ugly. I feel unattractive but definitely not unfuckable if you’ll pardon the word. But I feel like I can never be what he wants. Literally. Even with surgery or diet or meds, I could never be like these women he prefers to see naked. Whenever I see a woman with those attributes, I hate myself. Of course my husband says I’m being silly. He wears he’s attracted to me. But still no full erection or even a quarter of the attention I used to get. If he flirts or makes a sexy comment to me I feel like he is forcing it. It feels fake. I feel like my life as I knew it is gone. I hate myself and my husband thinks I’m going nuts because after 15 years I suddenly let porn bother me. It truly never has. We have been swingers in the past. I’m not that person anymore. But I feel like we have lost something in our relationship. Any hope? Or should I just accept that he doesn’t get aroused by me anymore?

I have been having issues with my husband and porn. Your article has helped me understand some of his point of view. He actually became addicted to porn over the years and hid it from me even though I didn’t have a HUGE problem with it. (I wasn’t happy about it, but it wasn’t an end-all situation.) However he became emotionally and sexually attracted to my sister, and began fantasizing about her using her pictures for self pleasure and then imagined I was her when we were intimate. They worked together and spent all work day and many work nights virtually with each other. His therapist is telling him it’s normal to fantasize about coworkers etc… however I told my husband a decade ago that if he ever masturbated to her, we were through. So am I being ridiculous? Should I be insulted? I feel violated (I am a multiple rape survivor) if you have time please advise? 🙁

I love playing with my butthole. My wife does not. I have a butt plug, which she doesn’t know about. I want to explore anal play further. I also think about being penetrated by a man. Is this ok?

Is it common for a man to experience pain during sex because of the woman’s pubic hair? My girlfriend is currently trying to laser her pubic hair away permanently but this is a long process. Sex can be painful to the point where we cannot continue. The cause is my girlfriends sharp pubic hair which seems to be almost on the inside of the lips and feels like sandpaper. When she shaves it, it feels very sharp and is only marginally better when left to grow a bit. Is this a common issue as I’m feeling alone on this as I cannot find anyone else talking about this issue in forums etc.? And is there anything that can be done or do we just need to wait for the laser to take effect. When we have tried Condoms, it feels slightly less sharp but then I can’t feel much on the pleasure side so this is not a solution either. Please help!

I am a straight married man who has recently become extremely aroused by gay porn. I masturbate to it, especially anal. Is this normal?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for three and a half years. I’m still very young so we’re both of each other’s firsts. We’ve been having sex now for about 2 years and I have only helped her orgasm once. I’ve read articles online everywhere and read online forums for advice all the time, I’ve read some books about the female orgasm and I still have little hope. I do feel like I can maybe make her squirt during sex because she always tells me she feels like she has to pee but that’s what makes her want to stop. I’ve read online that women often feel that way when they are about to squirt so that’s why I am confident as far as that goes. Yes, I have tried to convince her to just “let it out” but she isn’t willing to do so and I can’t think of anything to do otherwise. Also, I feel like a very important factor is that when she does orgasm, it’s one dimensional, she’s been doing it the same way since she started, riding a pillow and watching porn. I have bought her 2 vibrators that she doesn’t care to use, literally and has never even tried to use one of them. I have recently bought her a dildo that she suggested, and she incorporated that into her one dimensional orgasm and told me that it felt different but her method of achieving orgasm was the same. I have never blamed her for not being able to cum because I do feel as though my technique plays a major role, regardless if she knew other ways to make herself cum. I don’t know any so I take the blame for that but our relationship is very special and she can make me achieve orgasm through oral, hand jobs and obviously sex. She didn’t enjoy oral at first, because she said it made her really uncomfortable, but later admitted that it was her being self-conscious and not being used to direct stimulation with her vagina. She enjoys it more now and lets me know that I have gotten better at it but she still rarely asks me for it. I just want to please her and learn her body to consistently make her cum because I feel selfish when she makes me cum and she doesn’t. She doesn’t think its that big of a deal, yet. However, I want to diminish the problem before it emerges. I have considered a sex counselor but I cannot afford one right now so here I am. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, she wants to take things slow but we have been taking things slow for 2 years now.

Husband says he feels a space inside my vagina, and says I should notice it as well. I don’t really notice it like he does. He says Woman feel the same men do. I should crave girth because hitting spots is a bonus. Do woman feel the same as men do?

I’m a male, 72, and have had erection problems for at least 15 years. I’m in reasonably good physical shape, but over weight by about 80 lbs (muscular). I have a very good libido, tried Viagra, and tadalafil (5 mg/day — 20/mg as a booster for sexual activity) with no results. My partner is 73. She is extremely constantly wet and very sexually inclined. I walk 2 miles a day and exercise with weights. I’m not on medication except for cholesterol. I’m good with oral and hand stimulation for both male and female. We hug’n kiss. I grab for her constantly as she walks by, and enjoy making her cum even with no erection. I can still ejaculate. I suspect, contrary to some of the literature, that my erection will not return due to age, even with weight loss. I don’t smoke. Or, drink to any appreciable degree. Should I try marajuana?

I’m thinking that perhaps a Ultrasound test might be the ticket to establish the quality of blood flow in the penis; and for heart reasons as well. With this Clouseau approach, can I gain enough clues to resurrect the erection?

FYI: I’ve enjoyed your articles. At 72, knowing that an erection is difficult (specifically, not going to happen), has had an effect on love making. The women I seek out are vintage as am I. But there is always the expectation that Tarzan has to perform. I stopped seeing one woman because, at 75, she wanted significant intercourse. In earlier times, I would have jumped at the chance. With the present circumstances, I stepped on the cat and jumped out the window. At one point I considered getting a pump placed in the scrotum like a 73 year old friend of mine who had a prostate removal. But, of course, that made no sense from a risk standpoint, and while he has been able to conceal the pump from his partners, I don’t see how this is accomplished if fellatio is employed.

Your articles helped put things in perspective as to a woman’s desire for intercourse vs. oral, and the fact that most men fight to keep their erection going, and eventually lose the battle. Lastly, I masturbate as my Jiminy Cricket allows, and watching porn is also on the menu. Any additional insight that you can provide to move me along Route 66 would be appreciated.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We met on lesbian tinder and when we first got together, the sex was frequent and great. 5 months in, her mum died and understandably, this affected it and it hasn’t been the same since. She has struggled with her libido to the point where we haven’t had sex for well over a year and a half (maybe even longer!). It doesn’t even seem to be on her radar at this point. At first, I would try and initiate, but I was rejected almost every time, so eventually I gave up and that’s when it stopped completely. She has problems with her mental health, and is on anti-depressants so I feel this probably affects it too! But I really need some advice on how to try and get it back, when it’s not even on the table remotely, it’s hard to try and make it happen! Any advice would be appreciated, thanks!