I’m a young lady in the UK who fears sex toys. I have occasional dysphoria. I’ve lived with various manifestations of PTSD my whole life – this may be important to note.
I have a fear of dildos. And any sexual tool or toy that represents a phallic, or is a tool for a phallic. This includes your plain dildo, fleshlights, or FTM trans packers.
I’ve always known I had such a phobia, but always denied it. In late sex ed, there was an exercise – learning to place a condom onto a dildo, as a simulation. I had been heterosexually active for 4 years before this exercise, yet I couldn’t and wouldn’t touch it. I felt sick being around them.
There is no thought process, no “A dildo may harm my vagina”, none of that. It’s visceral. I am still heterosexually active and do not have a fear of men.
I do want to experience my own body in full, and in future if I have a partner, I don’t want to hide away from the inclusion of toys.
But if I see, or I am in as reach of, specifically, a dildo or other phallic-themed object, I have a sense of panic deep in my stomach.
It causes me so much jealousy and anger to my loved ones who can experiment, or even toy with toys (pardon the pun) and not get an immediate fight/flight/freeze response.
Please. Do you have any advice?
Both of your articles about are full of good info, but they also seemed a bit contradictory to me—it’s just the way men are to watch porn, versus it is damaging to a couple’s sex life….so there really is no answer. Mine is not so much a question as a conclusion – open to feedback. After much studying, research, reading, having living through the turmoil of male sexual needs, infidelity, sex addiction/voyeurism, lack of understanding of the needs of women, and just plain immaturity on the part of males in my life, I feel pretty hopeless. Though I am happily married and in my third act of life, whodathunk I would still be living through these issues. Some things just get swept under the rug and you move on, though without resolve, and this takes a great toll on a betrayed partner. This is due to the fact that immature men just cannot communicate without admitting to something they either don’t want to face, or are just afraid to for fear of retaliation, cowardice, rocking the boat, etc., etc. You say they love their wives – but just need the diversion…..but the diversion is bordering on sick. Women fantasize too, and have great imagination (without the aid of the Internet) – but for men, the extent of and the availability of the most outrageous and sick kind of porn ever invented is readily available to them at the click of a button. (Not your daddy’s porn)…as you well know. The variety is endless. This happens when I am out of eye-shot. So if I have a question, it is: How in the world can women compete with this? My husband says its not a competition – but I am certain that if the situation were reversed – he would feel resentful, if not threatened, if I were preoccupied with other people’s genitalia, especially well-endowed males, on a somewhat regular basis. (In fact, he seems quite enamored with looking at the males as well). I can say this because I have had to research sites where he has been to verify my fears. In addition, the porn situation is in the aftermath of some major infidelity, so it probably would be easier to accept – if not for that. But I digress. Fast-forward – forgiveness, (without an apology mind you) – no more infidelity, but continuance of porn. I should add that this man is not lacking for a good sex life – in fact, there is much affection, normal sex and love between us. All that he lacks in reality is variety and frankly I don’t desire to imitate porn actresses – I prefer to make love to the man I love. So shoot me. Is it really that hard for a man to wean himself off of the hard core porn and voyeuristic temptation on the Internet? …..when he knows it is disrespectful, upsetting and hurtful to his wife that he says he loves. If I hear that men are visual one more time, I will scream – but I have to realize there is truth to it. I can’t even imagine disrespecting my husband by doing these things behind his back. So after 20+ years of marriage and an otherwise stable life – how can a woman relax and enjoy life with this hovering in the background. I might add – though I have sought counseling, he refuses, therefore it is just preaching to the choir without his involvement. I feel loved and wanted, just cheated and disrespected. You might wonder why I stay in a relationship with this much baggage. I know I am not alone….but it makes me sad that women have to live like this (because they love their men) and makes me upset with myself for allowing it to happen to me – especially when I never wanted to be in this kind of position in the first place….and it took me a long time to make the decision for a commitment. Seems like acceptance is the only answer. When I worry about something bad happening to him or losing him to illness or injury, this of course erases any other problems, because that is my greatest fear and almost trivializes the other issues. But it still makes life harder than it should be.
My partner recently turned 65. I am 52. Around six months ago, he turned off to sex. He has ED, and says he can no longer experience any arousal. He is not attracted to me sexually. We have had a very difficult time because I want be physically intimate with him and find ways to arouse him. He is very hesitant to do anything but kiss. No deeper intimacy. I want to make an appointment with a sex therapist but he is not inclined to do this. Do you have any suggestions for me? I love him and feel very sexually attracted to him. I don’t need sex but feel desperate for intimacy.
For the past year or so I’ve had blood in my semen. I’ve visited my Dr and after some tests (semen culture) cancer was ruled out. I was told that it would be a long time before it went away. I’m 54 and have recently started to experience no morning erections unless stimulated and not so firm erections at times. Do you think the blood in the semen can cause ED? Thank you.
I’ve read your article, “Does Pornography Cause Erectile Dysfunction?” and understand that studies show no compelling link between porn and ED. Quick facts about me: I’m single and have not had partner sex in 5 years. I am most likely addicted to porn. I get nocturnal erections. In the recent past (the last 5 years up to a month ago) I had no problem getting/maintaining erections to orgasm with porn. My porn viewing started to increase to up to 3-4 times/day over the past few weeks and now for the last few days I just can’t get it up. I’ve read that refractory periods for 40-year-olds are longer but this is new. Now the questions: 1. Is there such a thing as sustained refractoriness due to chronic masturbation? 2. Can high levels of masturbation to porn cause problems with real women due simply to the brain perception of the difference between the two (not “porn-induced ED”, just a psychological issue). 3. Lastly, is masturbation to porn, esp. high levels of it, just not good for guys’ sexual health?
Can we teach men to correctly enter and move for us women to climax in the primary position?
I have been silent about this for a long time and need your help . I am 25 years old and my penis size is 11 cm, I am really sure you know how difficult it is for someone in my age to have this size I tried exercises but this does not work. I do not have confidence, and I am still a virgin because of that. Can you help me please?
Can you tell me the best therapy to overcome performance anxiety? Thanks
I would like to ask you a couple questions. Is it normal to loose my erection in the middle of sex? It happened to me once, which scared me. But I was not getting enough sleep the days prior to it. I was going to bed late and waking up kind of early. I thought that could be the reason. And it happened only once. But I wished to clarify it with someone who can talk about it. Me and my girlfriend usually did sex with her on the top. When we tried with me on the top, I was loosing erection, not totally, but hard not enough for a penetration. I was not getting comfortable with the position for some reason. By the way, I am 25 year old. I would like to hear your advice.
Hi. I’m a 31-year-old a brain cancer survivor with early peri-menopause. My vagina is really dry before, during, and after sex. My sex partner sometimes forgets the KY Jelly, which is crucial for my comfort. I was wondering if 100% coconut oil can be used as a replacement for KY?