I am 75. My wife brings me to orgasm manually but I am unable to climax and ejaculate via vaginal intercourse—even when we use Viagra, Cialis, or a penis pump to enhance hardness. For unknown reasons, she has not let me touch her female parts nor see her totally naked for some years. This problem has just developed in the past year or so. What can be done?
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There’s nothing wrong with you. With age, men need more intense penile stimulation to have orgasms. Vaginal intercourse can feel wonderful, but it does not provide as much stimulation as a hand that can grip the penis more tightly and yank it harder. I’m guessing that’s why you can come from hand massage but not intra-vaginally.
What can be done? You may be able to increase the stimulation you receive during vaginal intercourse. After you enter your wife, she might close her legs. Use the man-on-top (missionary) position. After you insert, raise yourself up a bit so that she can close her legs and then you lie down atop her thighs as they press together and squeeze your penis. Her closed legs may provide enough extra stimulation for you to enjoy intra-vaginal orgasms. Or maybe not. I can’t predict for certain. You’ll just have to try it and see.
It’s also possible that adding a vibrator to intercourse might supply the extra boost you need. Once you’ve inserted one of you might press a vibrator against your scrotum in the man-on-top, woman-on-top, or rear entry (doggie) positions.
If neither of these approaches helps, you can either (1) chalk it up to aging and enjoy orgasms from hand massage, or (2) consult a sex therapist for indiviidualized help and maybe some additional ideas. Sex therapy would also be a good place to discuss your wife’s resistance to you seeing or touching her genitals—if she’s willing to explore her feelings about that. To find a sex therapist near you, contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology. By the way, if your wife declines to accompany you to sex therapy, you might still go solo. Good luck!