I am 53 years old. I find my organ not erecting smartly or lasting long. I discharge very prematurely. I have full desire but can’t carry on as I wish. Can you help?

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  • Michael Castleman says:

    Sorry you’re having these twin issues. You are not alone. After 50 or so (if not earlier), most men notice that their erections are not as firm as they used to be, that sexual thoughts by themselves no longer raise erections, that direct stimulation is necessary to become even semi-hard, and that minor distractions—the phone ringing or an ambulance siren—cause wilting. In addition, many men your age who have enjoyed good ejaculatory control for years often notice a return of premature ejaculation.

    About your erections: If you complain to a doctor, you’ll almost certainly be offered one of the drugs (Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra). Drugs may help, and unless you take nitroglycerin for angina, they’re reasonably safe and effective. But you don’t have erectile dysfunction. It sounds like you have erection dissatisfaction, which is what men feel when their erections can still rise, but don’t feel as firm, reliable, or persistent as they used to. For more on this, read Weak Erections? Or Erectile Dysfunction? and Erection Myths and the Truth About Erections. You might also want to adopt a healthier lifestyle, which can keep things from slipping further. Read A Healthy Lifestyle Preserves Sexual Function in Men Over 40. And because men with erection dissatisfaction often fear that they’re on their way to more serious erectile dysfunction, you might also want to read Erectile Dysfunction Causes. By the way, you don’t need an erection to have great orgasms.

    About your premature ejaculation: PE has several causes, but the big one is anxiety/stress. Young men are unsure of themselves sexually and have little experience with sex, which causes enough stress to trigger rapid ejaculation. In older men, the stress often has to do with erections changes. You’re anxious about your erection situation, and that stress triggers ejaculation before you’re ready for it. No matter what your age and no matter what’s causing your stress, the treatment is the same. I urge you to read Premature Ejaculation Cure, the most popular article on this site.

    Finally, if you’re involved with a woman around your age, your balky erections probably coincide with menopausal changes that impair her vaginal lubrication. A commercial lubricant might help (check out the article on Lubricants), but maybe not. The fact is that once lovers pass out of their reproductive years, reproductive sex, that is, intercourse, becomes problematic—and eventually couples who remain sexual usually decide that intercourse is no longer worth the trouble. You might want to read . Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to have marvelous sex without intercourse. Check out Great Sex Without Intercourse. And if I can be of any further assistance, please don’t hesitate to write again.

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