I read your article on premature ejaculation, and I gotta hand it to you, Mike, it worked. I’ve come fast for 20 years, and after only 3 months of your program, I’m cured! I can last as long as I want. Amazing! My question is WHY? Why does your program work?
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Because it’s all about deep relaxation and whole-body sensuality. PE has two major causes: youth and a pornography-based sex style. Young men have very excitable nervous systems. They’re primed to ejaculate and don’t even need sex to do it (wet dreams). In addition, in our culture, men are supposed to orchestrate sex, but few young men know much about lovemaking. This causes anxiety, which makes the nervous system even more excitable and prone to rapid ejaculation. Finally, when a young man finds a woman willing to have sex, he often fears that she’ll change her mind, which adds to his anxiety and also spurs PE. As a result, young men ejaculate quickly. This becomes a conditioned reflex that can last a lifetime—and often does.
Meanwhile, pornography has become by far the leading sex educator of men. Unfortunately, it teaches sex all wrong. No wonder many women complain that many men are erotically clueless. Porn is almost entirely genital. Boy meets girl, and faster than you can drop a zipper, they’re deep into oral sex and intercourse. Porn-style all-genital sex puts tremendous pressure on the penis. The little guy can’t handle it, and he ejaculates quickly, especially if the man already has a conditioned reflex to come rapidly. This cements PE.
The sex therapy program I discuss in Premature Ejaculation: The Simple Program That Teaches Men To Last As Long As They’d Like—At Any Age, is based on deep relaxation and leisurely, playful, whole-body sensuality. Deep relaxation based on slow deep breathing counteracts neurological excitability, and allows you to train yourself away from the conditioned reflex to come quickly. Meanwhile, whole-body sensuality involves doing the opposite of what you see in porn. Whole-body sensuality spreads erotic arousal from just the penis to every square inch of the body. When the entire skin surface is sensually aroused, a man can maintain a high state of erotic arousal without ejaculating.
Many surveys show that women prefer lovemaking based on leisurely, playful, whole-body sensuality that includes the genitals, but unlike porn, is not fixated on them. Men who embrace the self-help PE cure also wind up with happier lovers—not just because they last longer, but because the program that cures PE teaches them to make love the way women prefer, focus not just on the genitals, but on the whole body.
For more on this, read Whole-Body Massage: The Language of Great Sex, The Real Problem with Porn: It’s Bad for Sex, and Women Know Best: Men Should Heed Women’s Sexual Wisdom.