I am a 61-year-old heterosexual man with lot of desire for sex. I married and enjoyed sex as a true heterosexual. Parallel to that, over a period of time, I began liking handsome men, and mentally started enjoying virtual sex with them. In the process, on few occasions I even enjoyed homosexuality with few men. But of late, while still enjoying the heterosexual life, the desire to have sex with men I consider handsome has been growing, which is disturbing because I can not really go to them and have it. I am seeking your advise on this.
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You say you’re a heterosexual man who is interested in gay liaisons. So, you’re not 100% heterosexual. You’re bisexual. Which is fine. Plenty of men who identify as either heterosexual or homosexual are actually bisexual, with desire for both same-gender and other-gender sexual experiences.
You also say you can’t engage in gay sex now, even though you have on previous occasions. I’m sorry you feel so constrained. I imagine you’re refraining from gay explorations because of how that might impact your marriage and family life.
What to do? When it feels safe, you might self-sex to gay porn and fantasize that way. Or you might sneak off as you have previously and enjoy some gay sex. Or you might admit to your wife that you’re actually bisexual, and seek her support in pursuing that while abiding by rules the two of you develop. Or you might try some sex therapy to sort out your feelings and how you would like to proceed. Going the therapy route might require some explaining to your wife and maybe others, but it might be worth it. That’s up to you.
If you’re interested in talking with a sex therapist, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
I wish you sizzling sex for life—whatever kind of sex you pursue.