I recently read an article of yours in which you said it was OK for married men to masturbate. You compared it to giving up apple pie when discovering cherry pie. Why is the expectation of giving up masturbation not similar to the expectation of giving up sex with other women during marriage? Masturbation is having sex with one’s self with his/her fantasy in the head or the one displayed on the screen. I don’t have a problem with masturbation when it is openly agreed to in a marriage just as other extramarital sex. But to assume that it is no different than relaxing in bath is absurd. I do understand the hurt a woman experiences when a husband will watch porn, especially when a woman is open to have sex anytime and anyway with her husband, and yet he still wants ‘apple pie’. That is rejection.
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We have a difference of opinion. In my view, everyone has a right to self-sexing. Masturbation is everyone’s original sexuality, and many people in couples continue to find it relaxing and necessary. You seem to equate solo sex by married men as a form of infidelity. I don’t. You’re free to insist that the man in your life refrain from self-sexing—but I doubt he will. Chances are your demands will simply drive his masturbation underground so it’s well hidden from you. Is that what you want?
I do understand your point. However, in a relationship it is more complex. It is important to stress open communication with your partner. My late husband enjoyed watching porn regularly, but never masturbated. I only know this because we were together 7/24. We were together for 24 years. He and I wanted to share sexual activity with each other. If one wanted or needed sexual satisfaction, the other would be right there to do whatever was desired. My current husband and I don’t have a problem with masturbation as long as we first ask if the other wishes to participate in sexual relations first. I am just saying that masturbation is no longer a singular act that you can do whenever you wish in a relationship. Both my husband and I would feel hurt if the other was not able/willing to participate because of a recent masturbation. Communication is key. We do go through period at the beginning where my husband was not able to perform sexually because he was just masturbating frequently. It was not a good time. I felt very hurt to learn that he was doing this to porn so often. I was left unsatisfied. Once my husband knew that I was willing and able to participate when he wished, things changed. I know things vary for people, but my husband and I need at least 24 hours between sexual activity. I can’t masturbate in the morning and then orgasm for my husband in the evening, which is his top priority in sex. My husband can’t masturbate in the morning and then get an erection and cum for me in the evening. Communication is key. Once you are doing something on your own, you are harming your relationship.