Depressed Senior Woman Sitting Outside

My question has to do with orchiectomy (removal of testicles). Brief background: I was born with undescended testicles and had orchiopexy at age 10 to lower them into my scrotum. But it was a botched job that left me severely scarred and I later discovered that I was sterile and have hypogonadism (unusually low sex hormone production). I had always suffered with severe pain and scarring in the testicles, so much so that in 1997 I had the left side surgically removed and the right side in 2006. The pain is gone and I’m now on testosterone replacement therapy (TRT), but it’s been a challenge getting the right dosage. Anyway, although I don’t have any testicular pain, I don’t have a lot of pleasurable sensation either. It has taken a lot for me to discuss new types of stimulation. Yes, it does require us to go outside of our comfort zone. We have found that stimulation of the prostate gives me a great deal of pleasure. However, I still feel ashamed as we had never done anything like this before in our sex life. My wife is a kind and loving person. I know she feels a bit uncomfortable about doing this. I can tell. Do other men who lose body parts—testicles, prostate—have difficulty regaining sexual confidence? This whole thing about losing my testicles has taken a toll on my self-esteem. I have been seeing a counselor for many years. I don’t feel normal whether physically or mentally. Thanks for any insight you may share.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Of course your self-esteem has suffered. Whose wouldn’t? You say you’ve discovered that prostate massage gives you pleasure. I’m very glad that you’ve found a way to enjoy erotic pleasure. But you say your wife feels uncomfortable providing it, presumably through anal fingering. I give her credit for stepping out of her comfort zone on your behalf, but I also hear that you feel badly about her discomfort. You didn’t say how she provides your prostate massage. If she’s uncomfortable fingers you, perhaps she’d feel better using an anal dildo, or maybe you’ve already tried that and she’s just uncomfortable with anything anal. You say you’ve been in counseling for years. That’s good … but I wonder what type of counseling you’re getting. My suggestion is that you and your wife try a short course of sex therapy. A sex therapist could help you guys explore how you can enjoy maximum sexual pleasure with minimum discomfort for your wife. Surveys show that two-thirds of people who consult sex therapists report significant improvement. I bet a dozen sessions would be sufficient. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research or the American Board of Sexology. And good luck!

  • eammon says:

    Thank you for your response. I have been seeing a psychologist whom has helped me deal with issues from the past. I had seen him about 15 years ago then stopped because of my job took me to a different town. I started to see a psychiatrist in that town and I began to talk about the birth defect and the eventual orchiectomies. It was difficult to talk about since no one had asked me before about it. I thought I had that issue well hidden but he broke thru that wall I had built around it. I did come back to my hometown and started seeing a sex therapist whom helped me in a few ways. He did say that the orchiectomy was similar to a hysterectomy and mastectomy since the testicles were an exposed part of my body like womens breasts are. I am now back seeing the first psychologist. The orchiectomy also had an effect on my sex drive and self esteem. Needless to say it has been an ongoing challenge to come to terms with this. I have a difficult time discussing sex with my wife. We just dont do that. I had asked if we could see the sex therapist together. She said no because she didnt want to discuss it with anyone else. I asked if we could see a woman therapist instead. She also said no. Anyway, my wife does massage my prostate on the outside. I had purchased a prostate massager for personal use and asked if we could try it one time when we were intimate. She was mortified and I felt ashamed. I havent asked again. I guess I could say I need more and different stimulation although she does what she will. I appreciate that but I wont ask for anything more or new. I feel ashamed when she is doing it. However, I sincerely love to please her which I do most of the time, orally. I feel really good about that. Maybe that is all I really need for my sexual fulfillment; just knowing she is pleased.

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