So I’ve been trying to get my wife to open up more about sexual experimentation. Then I had a good friend over at our house for a few drinks. We were drinking in the kitchen with the wife, who got pretty drunk. After a while I had to use the restroom. I heard my friend yell, “What the fuck?!” I peek back in and she is pulling at his belt trying to get to his junk. I said nothing. Here she was being experimental, and I was OK with it. As I return, I come around the corner and she’s still in front of him but kneeling and he had his head back and eyes closed. I see her giving him head. That was our first threesome and it lasted quite a while. The next morning, hung over, she claimed she didn’t remember anything and didn’t want to talk about it because if what I said happened really happened, she regretted everything. Meanwhile, I’m convinced part of her loved it. My question: Why should I believe she doesn’t remember anything?
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When people get very drunk, some black out, and the next morning don’t remember anything. That might be the case with your wife. Or, if she does remember your threesome, maybe she feels embarrassed or regretful or manipulated, and doesn’t want to repeat this (mis)adventure. I can’t say. I don’t know her. If you want to repeat threesomes with your wife and a friend, I suggest you try for it sober. That way no one can deny anything happened. BTW: I think it’s manipulative and wrong to get women drunk to push any sexual agenda on them.
michael, there was no “agenda”, the friend that was over has been close to us for a very long time and been friends with me for over 20 years, he had also just gone through a breakup which is why we decided to drink this particular friday night.
now, ill try to summarize that evenings events so its more clear as to what happened.
–after work i called my wife and asked if she would like to drink with us later becase it had been a long week and my friend was dealing with his split, she said “sure, i wouldnt mind drinking, i havent partied in a long time! you know i hate beer so just get me my usual bottle of vodka.”
–later that night after we had all been drinking, my friend and myself we in the kitchen talking about work and cars, probably some talk about sound systems too, when i needed to relieve myself and as i went to walk out i pass my wife crawling into the kitchen, shortly after my friend yells “wtf do i do man?!”
i peek around the corner and she was pulling on his belt, i thought she was thinking that my friend was actually me and that she would realize it was someone else fairly quick, so i replied with “fuck it! whatever happens, happens!” then continued to the restroom.
upon returning to the kitchen i see she hasnt moved from my friend but shes not pulling his pants anymore, as i get closer and step beside him almost shoulder to shoulder i look down to see her head bobbing back and forth, surpising me i watched him grow in her mouth as he nervously asked me if i was really ok with what was happening.
–fast forward after we had taken turns and swapped positions all night, we all wake up and none of us seemed to have any kind of awkward feelings or regret right off, once me and my wife were alone and i asked her about it she basically said “wrong person, wrong time” and over time and claimed to not remember anything that had happened, then eventually she started saying more about that nights events when i brought it up and she would add one more detail with each conversation. the one thing she seemed to regret was who the other guy involved was so after that i began trying to get her to open up to at least the thought of trying another threesome with someone else and a short while after she decided that it could be fun as long as the third didnt penetrate and that she would onlt give him head. the new guy that i had in mind to join us was our closest friend and we both trusted him completely, we had already had countless sex talks about everything from why i have a strong desire to hear both of them give details that they notice and like about my dick because ive always been self concious about being uncut all the way to the things that dive her crazy and how shes never even felt a cut dick and even talked about differences in pierced vs. non pierced nipples which ended with her making us each feel her breasts and then swapping since she only had one pierced at hte time.
so, there is a little evidence that leads me to believe she remembers more about the first night than she claims but she doesnt like talking about it maybe because she doesnt want to think of the other guy?
but she did tell me the reason she initiated it was to try and make him happy because his girlfriend that he had split from had really upset him, but why initiate something that hadnt even been talked about with your husband prior to, and why do something so drastic?
that night gave me a ton of exciting questions that i wanted to talk to her about, a lot of curiosities and an entire new category or sex i never imagined i would have been ok with, since then ive wanted to talk about it any chance ive gotten and i feel that she wants to enjoy it more than she admits but she doesnt know how to open herself up to it or shes scared that i will end up judging her.
sorry for the back and forth rant, like i said, this subject excites me.
to reiterate, nothing was planned, she wasnt cornered or forced, im not that type of guy and if i had sensed any kind of negative energy from her i would have stopped everything.
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It sounds like your wife is fairly open to threesome play—under circumstances that feel right for her. That should give you a great deal to discuss.
It’s always been hard for me to comprehend how people can not remember things when they were drunk, but I know some people do. I had a girlfriend once who got drunk, did some silly things (nothing sexual) and after sleeping it off the next day did not remember any of it, despite me prodding her memory and telling her about it. I agree with what Michael Castleman says, that it’s wrong to manipulate someone by getting them drunk and then taking advantage of them in that way, and it would never really occur to me to do that no matter how desperate for sex I was. But we were boyfriend and girlfriend, sexually active with each other. Now, being separated for many years, I fantasize about doing that with her and having kinky sex (which we both enjoyed when sober) without having to worry about it afterwards, because her memory would just be blank about it because of being drunk at the time. My inhibitions would be lowered if the other person’s inhibitions are lowered, too.
In fact, looking back at that relationship, it was she who often suggested getting “a little buzz” from alcohol (or cannibis) to make sex easier. Nothing wrong with that, alcohol is a great social and sexual lubricant and widely used for such, and sex is after all a time to abandon your inhibitions. That’s what makes it easier to happen and more enjoyable. A large majority of people use alcohol for this purpose. In the case of your wife, I think she got drunk enough to forget that episode if nothing was ever said about it again. I think a lot of people actually deliberately get themselves drunk enough to be in that state of lowered inhibition, doing something sexually wild, and then being able to “forget” it just enough that it doesn’t bother them with second thoughts, even though they actually do remember that they did it, if they try to remember.
I think your dilemma is that you want to bring this threesome behavior out in the open with her and get her to deal with it without alcohol. Clearly you liked it, and she liked it if she was drunk enough to lower her inhibition and bothersome memories about it afterwards. She has some things to deal with about deciding in a more deliberate way to engage in this behavior: judgement from you, judgement from herself, loss of control, emotional and situational vulnerability, guilt, conflict of values, etc. Alcohol helps to put all those things to the side, and if drunk enough, to not have to deal with them afterwards.
If she is indecisive about saying she will or won’t do it again with you and your friend, you could propose that she deliberately gets drunk with the both of you, and agree that whatever happens, happens. Assure her that you won’t bring it up afterwards in a confrontational or stressful or guilt-inducing way; that it’s your fantasy too, and the next morning you two will still be married and everything is fine. She might welcome the chance to have you manage the situation in this way knowing that she can lower her inhibitions and enjoy it when the desires happen and without having to plan or discuss the act when she’s not feeling horny and uninhibited. She can just agree in principle. It would provide a passive course of action for her, which she might find attractive. And who knows, she might even need a bit less alcohol to let herself do this as time goes on.
I think many, many people slip into this kind of relationship with alcohol and sex, at least to some degree.
Alcohol can be the gatekeeper here too, because you don’t want her to be super-horny and going down on other men all the time when she’s not a little drunk and you’re not in this intimate situation with your friend.
I guess we’re all playing comment tag.
I can’t remember if I had reiterated or not that, no one gave her alcohol with premeditated intentions of having sex, the plan was to hang out and drink on a Friday night, she was watching tv by herself, my friend and I were in the kitchen next door, there was no conversation of anything sexual at any point that night, when I went to the restroom I passed her silently as she chose to crawl into the kitchen and she made the decision to undo his pants, pull it out and decide to continue with escalating the situation. Nothing was forced, she was taken care of and asked many times throughout the marathon if she was ok and if she needed anything.