unhappy couple in bed

Scenario- we are both 45. I’ve had a total hysterectomy so I’m menopausal. Have had huge stress past 4 months complicated by a move to an apartment from a single dwelling house. Our college son came home for the summer and we have both worked nights before now but the past three weeks have been challenged by me starting a new job with initial orientation on days. This has been complicated by him working overtime.

Problem: Due to stress and general age changes I have found my libido to be decreased. Over the past 4 months we have gradually decreased the frequency and quality of sex. Husband has gotten to the point that he feels it is him which isn’t the case and no matter how much I try to convince him he has turned into a mopey depressing spouse.

Please advise what steps to take next. I do believe it will resolve with going to a more normal routine next week but if I don’t play my cards right he will continue to shut me out. (I fully anticipate the next opportunity he will just lay there and mope so I will have to have my game face on to overcome what part of me feels is manipulating behavior.) counseling is out of the question he won’t go for a normal situation let alone one that is sensitive.
Thanks for any advice in advance.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You’re right, you’re under a good deal of stress with the move to an apartment and the job changes. That level of stress can certainly depress sexual desire. You’re also correct in saying that going forward, as you and your husband adjust to your new situation, your stress load should lighten and your libido should recover.

    To help things along, allow me to recommend a good book. A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex by Laurie B. Mintz, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Florida (2009). Researchers surveyed 45 women complaining of low libido. Half worked through the program in A Tired Woman’s Guide. Among those who did not use the program, 5 percent reported increased desire, but among those who did, desire increased in 54 percent. Check it out, and good luck!

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