Close-up of senior couple focusing on worried woman

My spouse of 33 years is 60 with low testosterone. I have noticed he has been faking his orgasms while receiving oral sex, but during intercourse he has them. I have no clue on what is going on. Could It be lack of intimacy? We get along fine, but he is not in the mood much. I asked him why there was no semen and he says, There should be. But there was none. I have no idea what is going on. Please help. Thank you


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Based on your brief question, I can’t say for certain why he’s faking orgasm during fellatio. But here are some ideas that might provide food for thought:

    Everyone’s ability to have orgasms largely depends on the type of stimulation they receive. I’m guessing that he gets enough of the type that brings him to orgasm during intercourse, but not during fellatio. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him, or you, or the way you suck him, or with the intimacy of your marriage. Many men can come one way and not the other, especially older men whose nervous systems lose some excitability with age.

    My suggestions: When you go down on him, suck only on the head of his penis. In addition, while sucking him, with one hand, vigorously stroke his shaft, and with the other, gently cup and fondle his scrotum. That may provide sufficient stimulation for him to come. If not, try a gloved hand.

    As to why he’s not in the mood very often, again, I can’t say. But many people of both genders become less interested in sex as they age. You now have a desire difference. You can probably deal with it through self-help or sex therapy. Sex therapists have developed a program that helps most couples resolve their desire differences and make love at a frequency both can comfortably live with. I’ve distilled the program into a low-cost self-help e-article, How to Overcome Desire Differences. You might purchase a copy. All my resources come with a money-back guarantee through PayPal, so they’re risk-free.

    If self-help doesn’t resolve things, then I suggest professional sex therapy. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you great sex.

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