When things were still good with my ex-husband, he always complimented my oral skills. I never really gave him deep throat, though, because he never asked and he always liked how I gave head. Now my current boyfriend is really into being deep throated and when I do it, I gag. How can I deep throat him without gagging?
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Let’s start with a bit of history. Deep throating became popular in the early 1970s as a result of the classic porn film Deep Throat. In that movie, the female lead’s clitoris was located deep in her throat, and she wanted men to deep throat her so she could get off. Since then, deep throating has morphed into something men want. Usually, the desire to stick it deep does not come from the physical sexual pleasure of it. The most erotically sensitive part of the penis is the head, and it doesn’t get much stimulation from deep throating. The pleasure of deep throating for men is usually more spiritual, the idea that the woman welcomes all of him into her mouth, accepts all of him, and is willing to sacrifice some personal comfort to make the man happy.
Like you, many women gag when they attempt deep throating. Sticking anything too far down the throat triggers the gag reflex, which evolved to prevent choking. However, you may be able to exert some voluntary control over your gag reflex. When you brush your teeth, practice brushing the back of your tongue. Dentists recommend this as part of brushing because it helps prevent bad breath. In addition, it allows you to experiment with your gag reflex and possibly even desensitize it a bit.
Another idea: Ask your boyfriend to hold still and not push his erection down your throat. When he pushes, you’re very likely to gag. But if he remains still and you’re in control as you orally engulf him, you’re less likely to gag.
Finally, I don’t know how you feel about tricking him, but I know women who swear by this little fix: Place lots of lube on both of your hands and rub them together to warm up the lube. Then take the head of his erection in your mouth, not too deep, while gripping his shaft with both of your well-lubed hands. This simulates deep throating–and fools a lot of men. For best results, he should be on his back and your head and shoulder should obscure his view of what’s happening. Good luck.
And for more on the fine points of fellatio, read the article Oral Sex: Enhancement Suggestions for Men and Women.