Sometimes, my wife enjoys giving me oral sex and sometimes NOT but it’s maddeningly unpredictable. I know she enjoys me giving her oral, but when she does me and I try to prolong it, for like 15 minutes or more, she puts an end to it and rolls off of me, and says, “Just put it in. I want it now.” I prefer oral sex, and I would like to eliminate regular intercourse and just have oral. How can I persuade her to have more ORAL SEX, and less regular sex?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You have a repertoire difference. I sympathize. Your complaint is quite common. In many couples, one wants sex a certain way while the other has different ideas.

    First, please understand that no one should feel pressured or coerced to be sexual in ways they don’t like. If she has a hard limit on providing oral, I urge you to respect that.

    However, I suggest that you review with her what you told me, that sometimes she enjoys providing oral while other times she doesn’t. Ask her if that’s true. Then ask what makes her enjoy providing fellatio and what turns her off to it. If she can articulate what opens and closes her to it, do your best to provide the conditions that make her willing and not to do what turns her off to it.

    Then ask what you can do to encourage her to provide longer-duration oral.

    Finally, about eliminating intercourse and going all oral, I invite you to tell her your preference and see what she says. She may be unaware of how much you enjoy oral. If you announce that you could give up intercourse for all-oral sex, that might launch a discussion that might get you more of what you want. Or not.

    Finally, I suggest you read the article in the Info Library on encouraging sexual experimentation. Good luck.

  • talcaucasian says:

    Here’s what I think I will do. We have a clock in our bedroom. In the dark, I can still see the time, so I plan to time our Oral Sex Sessions, and try to add 5 minutes each time. I’ll see how long she can go. I’m guessing 20 minutes would be the limit for her, whereas, I could go all night!

  • Michael Castleman says:

    That’s a start, but I hope you also talk about it.

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