My husband does not perform oral sex on me. I love it. I crave it and I miss it. He says he does not like it. He says that if he does it, it will not feel natural, it´s like he will be doing it only because he’s forced to. I have already hinted how much I like it and still he does not do it. What should I do?
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I’m so sorry you’re having this problem and I sympathize with you. Many people enjoy oral sex more than any other type of sex play. You must feel very frustrated. But I also feel for your husband. No one should ever feel pressured to do anything sexual against their will–which seems to leave you guys stalemated. But maybe not.
You say you have “hinted” how much you like cunnilingus. Hmm. Clearly hinting hasn’t moved him. Perhaps you might try being more direct, as in: “I really love oral. I really wish you would go down on me. This is very important to me.” Have you tried something like that? Could you say that? If not, perhaps you could write him a letter from the heart asking for what you want.
Do you go down on him? If you give him the gift of fellatio, you’re in a better moral position to ask for reciprocation.
If he knows how much you enjoy oral and still won’t provide it, is there any reasonable facsimile of cunnilingus that he might be willing to do? For example, he might position his face between your legs and then gently use a well-lubricated finger to stroke your vulva and clitoris. That would provide you with something close to the sensations of cunnilingus without him putting his mouth on you.
As a last resort, I’d urge you to consider sex therapy. No sex therapist will tell him to give your oral, nor will any therapist tell you to stop wanting it. But a sex therapist can help you both better understand the other’s feelings about this and then help you negotiate something that works for the two of you. To learn more about how sex therapy works, read the article An Intimate Look At Sex Therapy. To find a therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
Oral sex has been around for thousands of years but the problem is that your mate chooses not to orally satisfy you. For what reason? I do not know, but would guess he wants to control your sex life. I would guess you two French kiss, sticking your tongues into each others’ mouths. Well, that’s also oral sex. If he chooses to deny you your pleasure, you can deny him his–no kissing, petting, or feeling up, and see how he likes it. Of course, if you have kids and he is the father, that causes complications, but if he insists on his stupid ideas drop him like a hot potato and find a real man who wants to make you happy being your partner, not his slave. Sex is enjoyable only when both are satisfied and happy and looking for more as time goes on.