My wife and I tried anal sex,  and being ignorant, didn’t use lube at first so it was uncomfortable for her. Me, I was hooked. I love the power,  mystique, and taboo of it, and love the feeling of ejaculating in her anus. We have triedit  with lube since but our earlier experience turned her off and she didn’t want it. I don’t want to pressure her, so we stopped. But I still want anal. Recently, she suggested getting a vibrator, saying she might try backdoor action again. Hmmm. Seems she’s open to it. What vibrator is good? I’ve heard the We-Vibe II is best but let me know. I like anal stimulation and having fun down there as well. I get all caught up into it when we’re having regular sex and want her to experience it again with me. Suggestions?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    It’s possible that a small vibrator (very well lubed) might allow your wife to happily reintroduce anal play into your lovemaking. Small vibes are called bullets. You might search our sex toy affiliate, Adam & Eve. They carry several. They also have a small vibrator called the Pocket Rocket that might work for anal play. Or not. Try it gently with lots of lube and see.

    Many couples have lived your story. They assumed anal play meant penis-anus intercourse, and tried it without lubricant. The guy loves it, but it hurts the woman enough for many to say never again. After a while, some women reconsider the anal ban. Others don’t.

    But there’s another way to play anally that does NOT hurt the woman. In fact, it’s the path to real anal erotic pleasure.

    First a word about WHY touching the anal area or entering the anus feels erotic. Muscles circle the anus, the pelvic floor muscles. They form a figure-8 around the anus and the penis in men and the clitoris in women. They are the muscles that contract during orgasm, muscles that are highly arousable sexually. This also works in reverse. Gentle touch around and in the anus stimulate the pelvic floor muscles, which feels erotically arousing. Hence the pleasure many people enjoy from anal play.

    The best way to approach anal play is slowly and gradually. As I discuss in the article Anal Play Without Pain, the recipient should begin with well-lubricated self-fingering, and very gradually progress to introducing the partner. The fact is, among those who enjoy regular anal play, penis-anus intercourse is a minority pleasure. Most couples go as far as anal massage and fingering, and leave it at that. Of course, decide for yourself.

  • greymatter says:

    Bullets and pocket rockets are not suitable for anal play – – far too easy for them to get lost! They are also hard. Finger or equal girth, yes, but make sure it has a good length and ability to hold on – or a stop like a plug. Small silicone butt plugs are far more comfortable than something hard like plastic. Relaxation is critical and if she remembers pain the it’s going to be elusive. Lots of touching, a nice massage – give those cheeks a loving caress and keep it all non threatening – don’t focus on it – wander around and come back.
    It may not be her favorite, but you will have to slow down and think gently.
    If she still says no then drop it, as in leave it alone. Respect her!

    Go slow – then slow down some more. Often the slower you go the faster you get there.

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