Last weekend, I was looking for one of my sweaters that was missing. Sometimes my clothes get accidentally hung up in my sister’s closet. So, the first place I looked for it after checking the laundry room was my sister’s closet.
But as soon as I opened the closet door, I was surprisingly shocked to find my seven year old sister inside. I opened up the door and nearly tripped over her legs.
And if that wasn’t surprising enough, I noticed that she was naked from her waist down with her hands very active between her legs.
I looked shocked and surprised at her in that moment, but just discovering a person sitting alone inside a dark closet after opening up its door is surprising and unexpected enough.
But it was awkward and I didn’t know what to do so I just kind of said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in here,” while slowly backing up and walking away.
I believe she was masturbating behind her closed closet door because her bedroom door does not lock. She probably feels more privacy lying down in a corner of her dark closet than she would lying down on her bed.
But that afternoon, she did not come out of her bedroom for a long time after, and she was acting anxious and nervous the rest of the day.
Even up to today, she still seems off, and acting differently around me.
But putting myself in her shoes, if that was me, I imagine I would feel similar and take a real long time to get over it as well.
I am wondering if maybe this incident needs to be talked about somehow, just her and me. I want this dark cloud hanging over her head to be over. At the same time, what if bringing up this subject causes more stress to her and is exactly what she is trying to avoid right now?
And she is only seven, she probably doesn’t actually know what masturbation is and that it’s normal.
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You have expressed the right inclination. Talk with her. When you do, smile and be matter-of-fact. Simply say that playing with one’s own genitals is great fun and that everyone does it, some quite frequently, even daily. Tell her it’s nothing to feel ashamed of, that it’s totally normal not just at 7, but throughout life. Then mention that like using the bathroom, it’s something to do in private—which she already seems to know, having set herself up in the closet. You’re a good sister. You can help her a lot by reassuring her that she’s normal, that self-sexing is normal—and fun.
Wow, you sound like a really great, compassionate sister. Seven years old seems young to be masturbating, but I guess that’s not uncommon nowadays. I agree with Michael Castleman’s advice but I would like to throw in two other considerations. . . . . First, her age. If she was 14 it would be one thing. But at 7, even though she apparently has active sexual energy, she is still cognitively, socially and interpersonally immature and hasn’t learned discretion yet. So if you have this reassuring “talk” with her, there’s the risk that she could, with the unembarrassed innocence of a seven year old, casually mention it at the dinner table or to others. “My sister says it’s okay to masturbate and we do it all the time.” This could be quite awkward for YOU and even make it look like you’re sexually molesting her, which you’re not. So if you do have this talk with her, I would maybe not mention masturbation directly, or at least say “we don’t tell other people we’re masturbating” to save her and you potential trouble and unrecoverable embarrassment.
. . . The other thing is that, especially if you end up talking with her about it, this could be her first “sexual experience” of sorts with another person. From what I understand, these first experiences always set the tone for future sexual fantasies and even desires. Even if the first experience with another person is inappropriate or negative or kinky, they tend to imprint on our fantasies. You and her did not really have physical genital contact, so I don’t know if this set the stage for imprinting on her sexual fantasies in quite the same way or not (for example in forming an incest- or lesbian- or exhibitionist-type of sexual fantasy). It’s good for her to not be embarrassed, and as you say to relieve that dark cloud over her from this incident. And there’s nothing wrong with having some sexual fantasies either. But it might be wise to thoughtfully approach this “talk” with her. She probably does, and will, see you as a loving older sister who helped her with a lot of guidance and advice as she’s growing up. But if she for some reason starts to become openly sexual with you after this talk, you might want to, well, put her sexual behavior back in the closet so to speak, with some more big-sister guidance.