My 60-yr-old husband has ED. I have been researching the condition and I keep reading that men who are unable to get erections can still orgasm – even if they have completely flaccid penises, which has been the case for the last few months. My question is: How?! I’d love to help him to orgasm but how can he have one if he isn’t hard? Am I missing something here? We are experimenting with different ways of pleasuring each other in bed so any advice you have on this particular aspect would be very welcome. Thank you!
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I’m sorry that your husband has lost his capacity for erection, but this is totally normal in a 60 year old.
Can he still have orgasms? YES! Two different sets of nerves control erection and orgasm. If erections aren’t happening, those other nerves can still trigger orgasm. There’s a huge body of research on this, much of it dealing with young men made paraplegic by things like motorcycle accidents. They can’t raise erections—but can still have orgasms.
How? Three ingredients:
• An erotic setting: candles, music, lingerie—anything that has turned him on over the years.
• A supportive partner, which you clearly are.
• And sustained stimulation of his flaccid penis by hand, mouth, and/or sex toy. Many older men say that what works best is a combination of sucking the head and yanking the shaft, gently at first, and then with increasing intensity as he gets closer to climax.
In addition, I’d also suggest that he practice masturbating to orgasm. This shows him he can still come. He also learns the pace and intensity of stimulation he needs, which he can then tell you or show you.
Later life erection loss is a drag, but it’s normal, and the adjustment to sex without intercourse can actually add to the intimacy couples share. for more on this you might read my low-cost article, Great Sex Without Intercourse. Best of luck, and if you have further questions, please write me again.