I am a 62yr old man with what I think of as an “odd” problem – I find it very hard to orgasm during sex with my wife. We have an excellent sex life and I can maintain a good erection for long periods of time and bring my wife to orgasm several times during our lovemaking, but have great difficulty having an orgasm myself. We have tried extended foreplay; oral; her masturbating me; her being the driving force during intercourse, but I seem fixated on pleasuring my wife and consequently don’t reach orgasm myself, except on rare occasions. When I masturbate myself there are no problems reaching orgasm.
Help !!!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Your problem is not odd, in fact, an estimated 5 percent of men have trouble with orgasm/ejaculation. This is men’s secret sex problem because it receives so little publicity.

    There are a good dozen causes of orgasm/ejaculation difficulties, notably, a surprisingly large number of drugs cause it as a side effect. But you say “I seem fixated on pleasuring my wife and consequently don’t reach orgasm myself.” That is a telling comment. Sex therapists who have researched orgasm difficulties in men say that a common thread is exactly what you describe, the man subordinating his pleasure to the woman’s, becoming in effect a “delivery boy,” who provides pleasure but has trouble receiving it. I suggest you and your wife take turns giving and receiving pleasure. Caress your wife and help her to orgasm first. Then when she’s satisfied, it’s your turn to relax, lay back, enjoy pleasure, and focus on your own arousal so that you can work up to orgasm.

    I urge you to read the article Orgasm and Ejaculation Problems. It discusses all the possible causes of the problem and about a dozen ways for men like you to let go and enjoy orgasm.

    If the article doesn’t provide sufficient relief, then I’d suggest a short course of sex therapy. Sex therapists enjoy a good track record helping men let go and enjoy orgasm. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists or the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.

Leave a Response

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.