I’m a 55-year-old woman, and have always had a pretty happy sex life. But lately, it’s getting harder for me to come! Right when I am “on the verge,” I lose it and have to work up to it all over again. This doesn’t happen when I masturbate, just with my husband. We’re both frustrated. Lube helps a little but not much. Suggestions? Supplements? This is getting very annoying. Thanks.
Sorry to hear you’re having trouble with orgasm. I have three suggestions, but first some background. Orgasm requires friction and fantasy. First, friction: Around age 50, the nervous system starts to become less excitable, including the nerves that trigger orgasm. You may need more friction than you’ve been receiving. One way is for you or your husband to press, lick, or rub your clitoris more vigorously. Or try a vibrator. Do you use one? You didn’t mention that. In situations like yours, vibrators often make a big difference. Models that use wall current are stronger than battery-powered vibes. If you have questions about vibrators, read these articles: Vibrators: Myths vs. Truth, The Best Vibrator for For You, and possibly Introducing Toys into Partner Sex.
Now about fantasy: How’s your erotic focus, your ability to fantasize scenes that arouse you? If you find that you’ve become more easily distracted from the erotic focus necessary for orgasm, I suggest that you turn inward during sex and focus on erotic fantasies that turn you on. They need not be about your lover. In fantasy everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. Let yourself explore. Let yourself go. For more on this, read: Fantasies During Sex: Welcome Them.
Finally, you say lubricant helps “a little but not much.” You might consider a different type of lube. Read The Slippery Secret to Sensational Sex.
coming or cumming?
I’ve had that happen, and it is frustrating! I agree with Michael. It also might help to pay close attention to what’s going on when you lose it. Are you getting the kind of attention you need? Are you distracted? Is your husband varying pace/intensity at just the wrong time? Also, since you notice it only happens during partner sex, I’d also consider whether there might be other issues in your relationship. It’s pretty hard to come when you’re mad at someone or feeling too vulnerable.