Hi Michael. I’m a 23 year old male who is having difficulty ejaculating when I go for a second or third round of sex with my girlfriend. She’s absolutely gorgeous and our sex life is great other than this glaring issue. It unfortunately causes her to feel a lot of guilt and in turn makes me feel guilty because I know it isn’t her fault. I masturbate fairly often, usually once a day unless we have sex, and I think that this may be the problem. Any help you might be able to give would be greatly appreciated
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I’m glad that she’s gorgeous and your sex life is great. But that doesn’t mean you can go two or three times. Please share this with her so that you both stop feeling guilty or that something might be wrong. It isn’t. You’re normal. You’re fine.
Just because you can hike four miles doesn’t mean you can hike eight or 12. Just because you enjoy one ice cream cone doesn’t mean you can enjoy two or three. And just because you have great sex once doesn’t mean you can go two or three times. After ejaculation, the body has a “refractory period,” a certain amount of time before people are capable of another orgasm. In men your age, the refractory period for a second go is often as brief as 30 to 60 minutes. It’s longer for a third effort—around a few hours. And as you age, you’ll notice your refractory period getting longer—up to several hours.
Both your girlfriend and you seem to value multiple sex sessions in rapid succession. A minority of women can enjoy this and be orgasmic, but only a minority of women. An even smaller minority of men can get it on a second time shortly after the first, but only a small minority. You’re in this group. You’re unusual and lucky that you can get it up and come a second time soon after the first. But most men your age can’t do this. And as you hit 30 and certainly by 40, this may no longer be possible for you.
So please don’t feel guilty or inadequate about this. You’re totally normal, in fact, you have more sexual vigor and endurance than most men your age. I suggest that you and your girlfriend extend your lovemaking with more kissing, cuddling, mutual whole-body massage, and oral play, and maybe toys. Quality of lovemaking is more important and more fulfilling that number of orgasms. I’m glad you have great sex, but I you might read my low-cost article, Caressing Women: Advanced Erotic Tips for Men. It should help you move from a fixation on quantity to even better, more ecstatic quality.