Hi, I started masturbating at a very young age and it’s ruining my sex life. I don’t have orgasms or ejaculate during sex no matter how long I go during sexual intercourse. I get aroused, erection is fine, but just don’t ejaculate and I’m scared I might not be able to have kids. What can I do to to end this misery? I want a solution on how I can start having orgasm during sex. Thank you!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Many people start masturbating very young. Why not? It’s such fun. Starting solo sex when very young is not a problem.

    However, your masturbation style may have trained you to come only under specific circumstances, and if sexual intercourse doesn’t involve those circumstances, this may explain why you don’t come during intercourse. In addition, you’re clearly anxious about your inability to ejaculate during intercourse. Anxiety can aggravate this problem.

    The first step to resolving things is to calm down. Chances are excellent that you’ll be able to have kids without artificial insemination. It’s by no means rare for men to have problems with ejaculation and orgasm. And estimated10% of men experience this problem at some point in life. And the cure involves—guess what—masturbation, specifically playing with self-sexing to expand the circumstances under which you can ejaculate. I suggest you read my low-cost, self-help article, Problems with Orgasm/Ejaculation: Can’t Get There? If you take a month or two to work through the program, you may well be able to climax during intercourse. All my articles come with a money-back guarantee so no risk to you.

    If the article doesn’t resolve things sufficiently, then sex therapy almost certainly can. Sex therapy usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, clients DON’T have sex with therapists and therapists DON’T watch clients having sex. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    You CAN ejaculate during intercourse. You just have to relax and retrain your ejaculatory reflex a bit. Good luck!

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