senior couple in bed

My wife and I have been together for 42 years. I am 65. Fifteen years ago, after flagging sex drive, I was diagnosed with a pituitary tumor that was successfully removed. Since then I have been on daily testosterone. As a result, I now have the sex drive of a 30 year old. Since her menopause at 55 (we are the same age), my wife has gradually shut down our sexual contact. Now she no longer wants any physical contact at all, except for the occasional perfunctory peck. I have repeatedly asked her to work on this with me in counseling, but she has consistently refused. I eventually responded that I would no longer beg for physical contact and have retreated into myself. I am fit and healthy and I need to cum every day. I masturbate regularly and have for years now resorted to happy ending massages to get my need addressed for touch, intimacy and skin to skin contact. It’s expensive but physical need cannot be rationalized away. I would have thought that this marital situation is quite common. However the lack of articles suggest otherwise. Is my situation so unusual?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You have my sympathies—and support. You and your wife have a severe desire difference. Couple or sex therapy can often resolve desire differences and restore marital peace, but you say your wife has refused to see a therapist with you. Sad. So you masturbate daily. I think any libidinous man in your situation would find some solace in solo sex, and many many men who are regularly sexual with girlfriends or wives self-sex daily, so given the lack of sex in your marriage, there’s nothing at all unusual about your daily stroking. You also visit sex workers for happy ending massages. That’s also understandable, though I doubt your wife would agree. You’re certainly not alone. Many men in your situation would turn to sex workers. Some years ago, in the only study of its kind I’m aware of, a longtime Seattle sex worker surveyed her clientele about why they visit her. Among her married clients, the two top reasons were “to save my marriage,” and “because I don’t get enough at home.” So your situation is not unusual. You don’t see articles on it largely because U.S. culture is strongly biased against seeing any utility in sex work.

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