Black couple on bed hot and heavy

As someone who is turned on, inspired and who feels awakened to life when meeting beautiful women, I have shame around the fact that I have always enjoyed anal play with toys (or whatever is handy). I feel like it makes me fear going forward with dating women in case it becomes an issue. I also worry about being able to perform with the women I feel attracted to. I didn’t have problems like that in the past except when taking antidepressants, which I recently resumed taking after 24 years (though they it mainly delay ejaculation). I also have some same-sex attractions. I always repressed them, although in my last relationship I let her know. I guess now I feel attracted to women and want to start dating again after a long dry spell. And I don’t want to feel shame. I was wondering if you had any thoughts, or could direct me to one of your articles.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying receptive anal play, no matter if you’re 100% heterosexual, or bisexual, or 100% gay. The anal area contains many touch sensitive nerves that bring pleasure when caressed, or when fingers, plugs, or other toys enter the anus. This is a physiological fact and nothing to feel ashamed of. Lots of men of all erotic orientations enjoy receptive anal play, and in four decades of answering sex questions, I don’t recall any women ever saying: “I can’t stand his desire for receptive anal sex.” Now, I can’t guarantee that the women you’re dating, or will date, will welcome massaging your anal sphincter, or fingering, or licking it, or doing you with butt plugs or anal dildos, but I bet most women you date will be open to some type of anal, most likely massaging your external sphincter. And if they’re into, that, over time, they may well be willing to do more….

    Here’s how to ask for anal play: After you’ve had sex with a woman a few times, ask if SHE might be open to having her anus caressed. You might say: “I love touching you all over, and if you like, I’m open to gently massaging your anus. Is that something you might enjoy?” If she says yes, after gently caressing her anus, you might say something like, “I enjoy having my anus massaged, too. Would you, please?” And if she says no, depending on her tone, you might say: “Fine, I won’t touch you there. But how would you feel about gently touching mine?”

    Quite often, such sexual negotiations generate tremendous anxiety——I could NEVER say that! But then, when you do, more often than not, it’s no big deal. Of course, raising the issue is up to you, but anal play is reasonably popular. Chances are the women you date are not entirely naive about it.

    The women you date may feel more threatened by your same-sex attractions. They might think: Oh no, more people he might leave me for! But there, too, many women have bisexual feelings, and all hiding yours does is make you stressed about hiding that part of yourself. After you get to know a woman a bit and you’ve been sexual with her, you might gently ask if SHE’s ever had an sexual thoughts or experiences with women. If she says yes, you can say: Me too….

    As for sexual resources, please allow me to suggest my recent book, Sizzling Sex for Life. It’s a comprehensive guide to all typical sexual issues. For more on its content, visit

    I wish you sizzling sex for life!

Leave a Response

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.