My husband and I really enjoy oral sex. I’m okay with him coming in my mouth, but I’m phobic about cum swallowing, which upsets him. I want to please him, but I just can’t seem to swallow. Is there some advice you can give me to get past this?
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If you really don’t want to swallow semen, you don’t have to. No one should ever feel pressured to do anything sexual that they find off-putting. On the other hand, if you’re open to the idea of swallowing, but haven’t quite gotten there, then I have some suggestions.
You might feel reassured to learn that semen is around 95 percent water. Sperm cells account for only about 2 percent of the ejaculate’s volume, and the rest is sugar to nourish the sperm, and some vitamins and minerals, notably zinc, which gives semen its distinctive, slightly metallic taste. But semen is largely water, and it’s perfectly safe to swallow.
You might buy a few packs of that gum with the liquid center. (If your local stores don’t carry it, it’s available on the Internet by searching “chewing gum liquid center.”) Biting down releases the liquid, which provides a reasonable approximation of what it feels like to have your husband ejaculate in your mouth. After you chew and swallow your way through a few packs, you might feel more comfortable swallowing his semen. Or after he ejaculates in your mouth, you might immediately chew a piece of the gum and feel comfortable swallowing both the candy’s liquid and your husband’s.
If not, so it goes. As I mentioned, no one should feel pressured to be sexual in ways that turn them off. If you decide that swallowing is simply not for you, then I suggest doing what the women in porn often do. Instead of swallowing, they make a show of letting semen dribble out of their mouths rubbing it into their faces or breasts.
Finally, for more on the fine points of oral sex, I suggest you read Oral Sex Tips.
I do thank you for this chance to get my opinion out on this debate on swallowing cum. I’m an older man but my second wife clued me into the facts of cumming in one’s mouth.
People, it is very simple.You do what ever you want to do knowing that most men do eat two much salt don’t eat enough fruit so the flavor might not taste like venilla pudding. It is like swapping saliva with your lover. It is also safe but if there is a virus in his body you could get that virus.
I myself am not Bi or Gay. Sarah, my second wife, loves oral sex, both giving and receiving. She sucks me then I fuck her then eat her out. I learned to like cum both mine and others we’ve shared with. That is why I do think couples should talk openly about their sex life before they get married. My first wife was only interested in fucking and I just couldn’t last long enough to make her happy. Every time I tried to eat her out, but then she wouldn’t kiss me after we had sex, so after 3 kids, we split up then both remarried. Again thank you for the chance to say my opinion on this subject.
Respectfully Submitted
trrebel
I have a different take on the matter. I am a guy who has a fear of coming in my wife’s mouth. As I get closer to orgasm, I get scared and lose my erection because of this fear. I know this sounds strange but my fear is very real to me. My wife and I have been married 35 years, but we don’t talk about sex because we never can agree when the time is appropriate. I want to talk about it when we’re not in the bedroom. She wants to talk while we’re doing it. That scares me. How will she react if I ask if I can come in her mouth while she is pleasuring me? What if she says no or says that I am weird ? Swallowing is not my fear, coming is. It seems that nearly every time I lose my erection, she gets mad. Maybe I am weird. I don’t know. I have tried to research more about what is acceptable in the bedroom and what is not. I don’t seem to find any clear answers.
What I do know is this, the longer we have been married the easier it is to be bored. However, trying new things is challenging since we have to step outside our comfort zones.
You’re not at all weird. You’re just like the rest of us, a person with particular erotic inclinations and aversions.
I see two issues here: your aversion to coming in her mouth, and your inability as a couple to discuss it.
About the former, you’re under no obligation to do anything sexual you don’t want to do, and if you don’t want to ejaculate into her mouth, so be it. But if she wants that, and if you’re open to the possibility, then I’d suggest you read the article on Oral Sex. It just might put you at ease. If you’d like further assistance, then I’d suggest a brief course of sex therapy. I bet a half-dozen sessions would clarify things in your mind and help you decide how you’d like to proceed—IF you want to. For more on sex therapy, read the article.
About the latter, ordinarily, I’d have two suggestions—(1) write her a letter, and if that doesn’t produce a productive discussion, (2) sex therapy. Both are still perfectly workable approaches. A letter allows you to take the time to say exactly what you want to say, and it allows her to receive the information when she likes, and then reflect before replying. Meanwhile, sex therapy has a very good track record of helping couples discuss issues they’ve felt unable to mention.
But as it happens, I can offer another suggestion, one I bet both you and your wife enjoy. I suggest you watch “Hope Springs.”It’s a laugh-out-loud comedy, but it takes marital sex issues very seriously. Kay (Meryl Streep) and Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) have been married 30 years and can’t recall the last time they had sex. Kay wants to change that and drags Arnold to sex therapy. Hilarity ensues. But beyond the laughs, Hope Springs presents a very realistic portrait of sex therapy, and after you see it, I bet you and your wife will feel good enough to raise the issue between you. Good luck. And if you still can’t raise it, well you will have a seen a good movie, and you can try a letter or sex therapy.
I did take your advice. We went to see Hope Springs last weekend. It had some funny scenes but it also had some scenes that made me feel uncomfortable and sad. It left me feeling empty. In some ways it looked like my marriage. There was a time when we didnt have to think about sex, we were always ready and didnt need much stimulation to get it on. Now, it takes more and there is a lack of communication. The only thing we ever talk about is our adult (29 years old) daughter who has mental health issues (bipolar). We dont talk about sex. In 35 years of marriage, talking about sex has only lead to arguments. I try to avoid them as much as possible. I blame myself for much of this problem since I had asked about new things in the bedroom a few years ago. Her reaction of “you wanna what?!!” pretty much said it all. I was only asking toys, different positions, masturbation and oral to completion ( on my part, she always orgasms when I orally please her) Then feelings of remorse for having sex set in for me. Yes, remorse. I have begun to second guess myself, feel shame for my thoughts and desires and am afraid to have personal sexual pleasure with my wife. I love to please her and the feelings she gets. It makes me feel really good that I am able to do that. It is a different story for me. I ask myself often does she really want to have sex with me? Do I turn her on or turn her off? Am I a pig? Let me just put it this way; if my penis is in her mouth, my thoughts are not about how it feels but rather is she doing this because she wants to or because it is an obligation. I dont want obligatory sex. If it is not done with passion, I’ll pass. I feel my wife is critical of me and things I would like to do to spice things up. I am bored, angry and at the point where I dont care. I know that is not good. I had seen a sex therapist for about 2 years. He asked if my wife would come to a session or two with me. She said no. Watching Hope Springs reaffirmed her no answer when she seen the questions the therapist was asking. It also made me uncomfortable too knowing she was.
Sorry for my long ramble. I need help. My marriage needs help.
Yes, you’re right. Your marriage need help. Since you’ve already consulted a sex therapist and she wouldn’t go, I urge you to consult a couple counselor/marital therapist. If she won’t go, I urge you to go yourself. Going solo is suboptimal, but I bet it would help to talk with a professional who can help you weigh your options. I wish you the best.
My advice is this: cum wont hurt you. You will get used to it. If you love your husband and he wants you to swallow his load, do it. Its only a split second of discomfort that will bring him much pleasure. Its about compromise. Think, you can then ask him to do what YOU desire…. maybe lick your ass or something like that. Choke down that load and reap the benefits.
Sorry for my rant. As you can probably tell, I’m stressed about our sex life. I have thoughts about sex that never seemed to occur early in our marriage when all we needed to was look at each other. Now, it takes a lot more and different things. I will admit I get scared thinking about some of the things. I worry about my wife being judgmental with me. She has always set the boundaries. She has never swallowed. In fact, I have never come in her mouth. We would always go to intercourse and I would come insider of her. No toys. She thinks only weird people use them. Never, never, never anal. I would like to try prostate massage. For me, it feels good when I do it. She wont. I use to like doggy style position until she asked why about 15 years ago. I stopped thinking about it. I used to like it alot. One time last year, she wanted to try doggy style. When she suggested it, I immediately lost my erection. I felt like a pig when I had a flashback of the last time when had doggy style and she asked me why. I felt really creepy, like some sort of pervert. Perhaps the thing that scares me the most is the way I feel about sex in general. It brings on bad feelings about me. I know that isn’t good.
It’s clear that you’re really upset about all this. I think you would benefit from consulting a professional therapist. You could find a psychotherapist, but because your presenting issues are sexual in nature, I’d urge you to investigate sex therapy. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, read my article on it. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
Ideally, both you and your wife would attend the sessions together. But if she declines, I’d urge you to go by yourself. Going solo for a couple issue is, of course, suboptimal. But if she won’t go, the therapist can still help you clarify your feelings and explore your options. Good luck!
I had the same problem recently and then I realized that I wasnt doing it right. The times I had swallowed I gulped the full load. My husband had never pressured me to swallow & It had been years since I tried and it did become a fear and regret. Recently after giving my husband ” one of the best BJs of his life ” I spit as usual. I felt really bad and felt like I brought it down a notch. So the following night I went down again on him again and as he started to cum I started to swallow it was so simple really easy and amazing. When I took in the full load I couldn’t appreciate how much of a treat his cum would be for me. I don’t know what other men are like but my hubby’s cum is a little salty & watery at first and ends real warm & creamy… yummy… now I crave it. We are both 44 and have been married more than 20 years and I can’t believe I have deprived myself and my husband all of these years. Even though we have always had a great sex life Being free from the fear of swallowing has made me sexually 100% whole and re-awakened something in me and I am looking forward to another night of amazing sex with my husband. I highly recommend swallowing and it can give you just as much pleasure.