My girlfriend and I are just starting to have sex. We are both virgins. She is 21. and I’m 22. When we go to do the deed, where is the dick supposed to go? I can’t find the hole. We have tried her on top and me on top. Nothing works. She yells at me. Then we stop. How can I get the deed done? ANY TIPS!!!!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Your problem is not unusual. Many couples who are sexually inexperienced have trouble finding the vaginal opening and having intercourse. Here’s what I suggest:

    You say she yells at you. Is this from frustration? Or pain? If it’s pain, she should have a medical check-up so the doctor can examine her for a thick hymen. The hymen is a membrane that partly covers the vaginal opening at birth. It usually wears away by a girl’s teen years, but in a small proportion of women (2-5%), the hymen is unusually thick and persistent, and can become a physical barrier to intercourse. When an erection presses against a thick residual hymen, the woman experiences pain. If your girlfriend has a thick hymen, it can be removed with quick, simple surgery.

    You say you can’t find the hole. Your characterization of the vagina as a hole is a common misconception. The vagina is NOT a hole. It’s more like a closed fist, tightly folded muscle tissue that opens somewhat when a woman feels both relaxed and sexually aroused, and opens a lot when she delivers a baby. Several things can help her vagina open enough to become receptive to your erection. First and foremost is sensual touching, massaging her slowly and gently all over her body. Sensual touch is deeply relaxing and it’s the basis for enjoyable sex. When you start making love DO NOT attempt intercourse for at least 30 minutes. Spend that time kissing and hugging and touching each other all over. Feel free to touch each others’ genitals after a while, but concentrate on the rest of the body. Touching all over helps the woman and her vagina relax and open enough for comfortable intercourse.

    After 30 minutes or so, when your lovemaking becomes more genital, use a lubricant on her vagina and your erection. Saliva works well if you enjoy oral sex. So does vegetable oil. There are also commercial sex lubricants available at pharmacies. Place a little lubricant on your hand and then gently massage her between the legs. As you do this, explore the groove between her vaginal lips. At the bottom of this groove, just above the anus, you’ll feel her vaginal opening. When you do, DON’T jump into intercourse. Instead, continue to massage her vulva (her external genitals) and then gently slip a finger inside her vagina (her internal genitals). After a while, insert a second finger. If you can do this, and if she can accept two fingers comfortably, then you can probably enjoy comfortable intercourse.

    When you’re ready for intercourse, place more lubricant on her vulva, in her vagina, and all over your erection. Intercourse can happen in many positions, but for young lovers like you guys, I suggest woman-on-top. You lie on your back. She kneels over your hips. You don’t move. She takes hold of your erection and directs it into her as she slowly sits down on your hips. Once you’re inside her, DO NOT move frenetically as actors do in pornography. Instead, move slowly with a gentle rhythm.

    I hope you and your girlfriend have discussed birth control and have selected a method to prevent pregnancy. It’s difficult for lovers to relax when they fear pregnancy. And when a woman feels anxious about getting pregnant, it’s harder for her vagina to open enough to accept an erection.

    Intercourse usually leads to orgasm for men, BUT OFTEN NOT FOR WOMEN. To really enjoy lovemaking, I urge you to read these articles in the Info Library: Orgasms During Intercourse – Improving Women’s Chances, The Clitoris: New Insights, Caressing Women: Advanced Erotic Tips for Men, and any others that interest you. Good luck! And if you continue to have problems, feel free to contact me again.

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