Depressed young man

Hi, I’m contacting you because I’m confused about my libido. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18, I stopped having sex when I reached 19. My libido went down, and had no interest in sex at all. I never used to think about it, or want to do it. I’m 27 soon, and I’m not sure why but since I’ve reached my late 20s, I can’t stop thinking about sex!! Nearly everyday, to the point I’m willing to meet men for one night stands. Why could this be please? And thank you!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    The short answer is: I don’t know why your libido has bounced around so much. You’ve provided very few details….

    The longer answer is that most people’s libidos vary with age, stress, relationship satisfaction, and life circumstances. When people fall in love, they’re totally hot for each other. Then after a year or so, things almost always cool—sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. After break-ups, some people are hot to trot, but others shut off to sex for a while, sometimes a long while. Other sexual dampers include having children, a death of someone close, drug issues, health and mental health issues.

    If you’d like to explore the reasons your libido has been so varied, I suggest consulting a sex therapist. Sex therapists are psychotherapists with special training in sexual issues. Sex therapists do NOT have sex with you and do NOT watch you have sex. They rely on face-to-face conversations. They impart sex information and insights, and sometimes assign erotic “homework.” Costs vary, but expect $200-300/hour. Some providers discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my the chapter on sex therapy in my book, Sizzling Sex for Life, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

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