couple watching a movie in bed

I am a woman, a “tomboy.” In many ways, I am more like a dude, or so I’ve been told. I don’t understand why women hate porn. I masturbate and imagine stuff when I do, and I just wonder if I am somehow wrong or broken. I’ve lost female friends when I make these things known.
I’ve been bullied and treated harshly by women for this and I just want to
know why I am different. I was a virgin till I got married, but I have
masturbated since I was a tween. I sometimes feel like I’m the only woman
like me. I read this and thougth you might help me understand or explain it
to me.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Alas, I can’t explain the cruelty you’ve been subjected to. Women who demonize porn sometimes become demons themselves.

    There’s NOTHING wrong with you. NOTHING broken. It’s totally normal to masturbate to sexual fantasies, or if your own fantasies get stale, to porn. The best evidence suggests that about one-quarter of the porn audience is female. Some women watch with lovers before or during sex. Others enjoy fantasies of being submissive, and a great deal of porn depicts this in varying degrees of submissiveness.

    Sexual fantasies enhance sex. They boost arousal, women’s self-lubrication, orgasm, and sexual satisfaction. Sexuality authorities encourage people to use vivid erotic fantasies to enhance sex. The most common fantasy is doing it with someone other than your regular partner.

    But some folks were raised in sex-negative fundamentalist families. They grew up being told that sexual fantasies and masturbation are wrong, harmful, sinful, especially if you daydream about other lovers. Maybe the women who have treated you cruelly may fit that bill.

    Actually, any and all fantasies are fine, even those whose contents disturb you, for example, being forced into sex, which is a fairly common fantasy among women. In fantasy, everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. Those who recoil from self-sexing to fantasies or porn believe in thought crimes. There are NO thought crimes. Think anything you want, and in sexual fantasies, anything that you find arousing. Just control your actions.

    Those friends you lost over this were not worth keeping. More than half of U.S. women own vibrators and only a small fraction use their toys in partner play. Most women vibe owners use them for solo sex while fantasizing. In other words, you’re like a whole lot of women. The harpies who abused you are in the minority. You’re fine. Enjoy yourself!

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