I’m a 41-year-old woman who has been married for 21 years to a wonderful man. But sometimes I feel that I want to have sex with a woman. Is that normal? I’m not a lesbian–or am I a lesbian?
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Many people believe that sexual orientation is an either-or proposition: Either you’re completely heterosexual or totally homosexual. But the fact is, many people fall somewhere in between. They’re bisexual.
Some bisexuals feel equal attraction to both sexes, but in our experience, most are basically straight or gay, but feel some attraction the other way. It sounds like you’re a bisexual who’s basically heterosexual, but with some attraction to women. That’s perfectly normal.
Whether or not you ever act on your attraction to women, you can certainly fantasize about lesbian love. We suggest you view your situation as a gift: Even if you never experiment with a lesbian love affair, you have more people you can fantasize about, and that can help keep the excitement in sex with your husband.
If you’d like to learn more about bisexuality, read the article, Bisexuality: What the Research Shows.