hello, I’m 20 years old and I have a really amazing girlfriend. But what really turns me on is thinking about me and another lad trying stuff. I know if I asked her she would say no, but I have a friend who’s gay and he said that he’d try stuff with me and won’t tell. I think about it every day and I really want to try it. I just want to get it off my mind. I spoke to her before about it but she didn’t like it, so should i just go and try it and not tell her to get it off my mind?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You say you want to “get it off your mind,” as if one gay experience will somehow satisfy all your longings for same-gender sex. It might, but I’m guessing probably not. It sounds to me like there’s a good chance you’re bisexual, erotically interested in both men and women. That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. But bisexuality becomes problematic when you’re in a relationship and want your girlfriend to support, or at least tolerate, your being sexual with men.

    You can do what many many men have done—remain publicly hetero, but wave your gay flag in private secretly. If you do this, be sure to practice safe sex every time to avoid contracting sexually transmitted infections and possibly passing them to your girlfriend.

    Or you can tell your girlfriend that you’re bisexual and feel a need to play with men. In the best of all possible worlds, your lover would support this and the two of you could negotiate ground rules for your same-sex adventures, for example, safe sex every time, full disclosure to your gal, and arranging your same-sex time so that it doesn’t interfere with your hetero relationship. Or perhaps an MMF threesome….

    Unfortunately, this is not the best of all possible worlds. You say your girlfriend would not approve of your same-sex interest, and I believe you. So either you pursue your desires in secret, or you have some uncomfortable conversations with her that might put the relationship in jeopardy. There are advantages and disadvantages to either approach. The choice is up to you.

    Meanwhile, if you’ve never thought much about bisexuality, now might be a good time to start because it sound like you swing both ways. I suggest you read the article Bisexuality: What the Research Shows.

  • Someones MOM says:

    The choice to try or not is yours. Nice of the friend to offer you the experience.
    In reality it is like the forbiden fruit. If the doctor told you you could never have your favorite food every again. The cravings for that food would drive you crazy. Society is telling you this boy on boy adventure is forbiden, so of course it is all you can think about.

    Since your friend is so willing it might be worth a try.

    I had a girl on girl adventure about 30 years ago it was wonderful. But I feel in love with my husband the day I met him, we have been married 25 years now. But I will never regret my adventure to the other side.

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