My wife and I are 62. I’m having trouble getting an erection for a couple of reasons, mainly Parkinson’s disease. So I have wondered about using a strap-on dildo. The problem is: My wife is leery of dildos. She thinks they might tear her vagina. I’ve never heard of that. Is it possible? How can I help her overcome her anxiety?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Sure, you could use a strap-on to have intercourse with your wife. Simply wear the harness over your flaccid or semi-erect penis and play that way.

    But the real issue is your wife’s reluctance to use dildos. Assuming she’s sexually aroused and well lubricated (I recommend a commercial lubricant), it’s highly unlikely that a dildo would injure her vagina in any way. But even knowing that, she might still be anxious. Assuming she’d like to overcome her fears of dildos, you might buy her a few in different sizes from small to a little larger. She should probably start by playing with them solo, beginning with the thinnest and gradually working up to the larger ones. Once she becomes comfortable with insertive toys, then she should feel more comfortable with you using them on her, including strap-on intercourse.

    You might also consider evolving your lovemaking away from intercourse and focusing on genital hand massage, oral sex, and sex toys. For more about this, read Great Sex Without Intercourse.

  • Sally SMiles says:

    By all means get your wife a dildo – a good one. It’s worth it to get good quality silicone – start with shopping on the internet – together. Don’t get cheap ones and pay attention to her reaction. Have a store nearby? Take an afternoon to visit. Do try a few different sizes – frankly I generally have at least three handy as things progress then I work up to them.

    Let her drive! Then let her show you – there is a big difference in a dildo and a penis – one you can feel what you are doing, but the other you can’t. Let her drive and be prepared to observe signs. It’s very easy to pinch – lube is critical. It’s possible to use without a harness, hold in your hands or hers – stand it up and let her ride – use your imagination and above all don’t even think about comparing yourself to the toy. It’s a toy, a tool – just love on her.

  • Sally SMiles says:

    Dear OP – please avoid the rabbit vibe/dildo combination – they are awful. Prone to getting hot, and they do not feel realistic at all.
    Hop over to or Eden Fantasies – even and take a look at the many variations available to you.

    I urge you to let her drive – the harness may be saved for later, or not – be patient and give her time to adjust to the idea. Let her choose her own. Let her get used to it on her own before you ‘take the wheel’.

    Avoid hard plastic – Vixen, Tantus and Toy Factory make excellent dildos that are flexible. Vixen has a line that is incredibly realistic, Tantus are less costly and yet good. Toy Factory makes non-realistic looking dildos.

    Now that you are on this path, consider a vibrator as a companion for her dildo – – again I like high end toys, so avoid plastic – stick to silicone. You both may be amazed at how arousing it is to shop.

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