Unhappy couple having problems at bedroom family conflict

Hi. Whenever my wife starts to make noise during sex, it triggers my ejaculation. Last night, we were having sex and everything was find until she starting making moaning noises—boom, I came. I ejaculate regularly to help my PE. If I don’t have sex for a while, say a week, it’s over very quickly. But if I ejaculate daily on my own for a week, then I can last longer with my wife. But as soon as she makes noises, as soon has she’s enjoying herself, I struggle to compose myself. Even when she orgasms during foreplay, I struggle to control myself—and I’m not even penetrating her. Please help !!!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    What you’re describing is a classic conditioned reflex. Have you ever heard of Pavlov and his dogs? In the 1890s, Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov was looking at salivation in dogs in response to being fed, when he noticed that his dogs would begin to salivate whenever he entered the room, even when he was not bringing them food. In their minds, the dogs had paired his presence with being fed. You have paired your wife’s moans with the erotic excitement that triggers ejaculation. I have two suggestions: de-sensitization and my e-booklet.

    De-sensitization involves un-pairing her moans and your loss of control. Ejaculatory control depends to a large extent on deep relaxation, the kind elicited by meditation. A hallmark of meditation is slow deep breathing. That same type of breathing is a key ingredient in lasting longer. When you’re in bed together, no matter what you’re doing, breathe deeply. Imagine your inhalations filling your body all the way down to your toes. And imagine your exhalations, starting down at your toes. Then arrange a “stop” signal with your wife: the word “stop,” or some other word, or a nonverbal signal, a pinch—something you can communicate easily while kissing and caressing. As she begins to moan, focus on your arousal. When you feel yourself approaching the point of no return when ejaculation feels inevitable, give her the signal while breathing deeply. At your signal, she must stop moaning as you continue to kiss and caress her and breathe deeply. When you feel yourself backing off from your point of no return, she can go back to moaning. Repeat this for 15 or 20 minutes. Over time, you should be able to teach yourself to hear her moans without ejaculating.

    I hasten to add that this is likely to be a halting process. She may have trouble instantly terminating her moaning, and you may give the signal and still ejaculate quickly. Be patient and continue the de-sensitization program, especially the deep breathing. Over time, you should be able to tolerate her moaning for longer periods without ejaculating.

    Beyond that, I urge you to purchase a copy of my e-booklet, The Cure for Premature Ejaculation. It presents the program sex therapists have developed that teaches around 90% of men to last as long as they’d like. The program includes deep breathing and the kind of stop-start approach I suggested for de-sensitizing you to her moaning. You CAN last longer. My e-booklet can show you how.

    Finally, about frequent masturbation to help you last longer. Many men do this, and there’s nothing wrong with it … except that it doesn’t teach you real ejaculatory control. Once you de-sensitize yourself to her moaning and work through the program in my e-booklet, you probably won’t have to use the masturbation approach any more.

    Best of luck learning ejaculatory control!

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