couple making out in bed

My longtime wife and I enjoy great sex together. Overall, it’s glorious, and usually goes on for an hour. We take turns giving and receiving pleasure, which includes oral around 90% of the time, and it always ending in orgasms for both of us.

But one thing I’d really like she won’t do. That’s initiating blow jobs. I’d love it if she would unbuckle my pants and suck me. I’ve hinted, and asked, but she won’t do it. Also, she has made it clear she does not want to kiss after I go down on her. And sometimes she reacts like she doesn’t care for the precum taste, which is where her cocksucking typically ends. She asks for penetration, which is not a bad thing actually

Perhaps it’s just the thought of the semen that she struggles with. It’s been a long journey over 30+ years of marriage. She just seems to have hit a boundary that I would love to get through. We are both fit and healthy 50 somethings and theres lots of hope …just could use some pointers to get a breakthrough


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Is your glass half empty or half full? To my way of thinking, it’s half full. You’ve had regular, great sex with mutual orgasms for decades. Congratulations. That’s something to celebrate.

    But you also have these nagging issues. To me, they are little potholes on an otherwise smooth road. But over time, nagging sexual issues can fester and become annoying or maddening, which is why you wrote me.

    You state three issues: She won’t initiate blow jobs. She doesn’t want to kiss after you’ve gifted her with cunnilingus. And she doesn’t care for the taste of precum.

    My suggestions:
    • Select ONE of your three issues, the one that annoys you the most, and focus on that, while deferring the other two.
    • If you pick her refusal to initiate fellatio, I suggest that you ask for that as a birthday present. Explain without rancor or carping that you really want that gift, and would she please indulge you on your special day.
    • If you select her reluctance to kiss after you’ve provided cunnilingus, first let me say that it’s totally hygienic to go from your lips and tongue on her vulva to your lips kissing her upper lips. But people have their idiosyncrasies, and your wife clearly has hers. I suggest asking her if there’s anything you might do that would change her mind. You might offer to rinse your mouth with water or mouthwash after going down on her.
    • If you select her distaste for the flavor of precum, the issue might be its taste, or it might be the fact that precum is followed by ejaculation and perhaps she doesn’t want semen in her mouth. If it’s truly the taste of precum that bothers her, you might suggest that she suck on a lifesaver while sucking you. The taste of the lifesaver can mask the taste of precum. If her issue is not wanting semen in her mouth, you might offer to wear a condom so you can come in her mouth but not into it.

    I don’t know your wife, so I have no idea how negotiable she might be on your issues, but I would try to negotiate ANY small step toward your ultimate goal.

    If you get what you want on issue #1, or if she refuses to move toward resolving it, then proceed to issue #2.

    If she’s averse to sexual negotiations, then I suggest you view a movie together, Hope Springs starring Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. They’re a longtime couple in a sexless marriage. She wants to change that. He’s a curmudgeon who doesn’t want to rock their no-sex boat. She announces that she’s going to see a sex therapist. She invites him to join her, and he does, reluctantly. The therapist helps them talk about their sex, and it’s Hollywood, so happy ending. The film just might persuade your wife to talk more about your issues.

    Which brings me to sex therapy. If these problems start driving you crazy, you might consider it. If your wife declines to participate, you might go by yourself. That’s suboptimal, but the therapist may be able to suggest ways to persuade her to change, or ways you can better cope with her reluctance to change. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you the best of luck turning your good sex into better sex!

Leave a Response

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.