My guy of 15 yrs does not have sex with me anymore. He watches porn almost daily or every night. I’ve since discovered sites that entice you to join for free hook ups . He says his libido is not the same as it was. But I’m the woman who says she will take any type of sex. I’ve begged and pleaded. Nothing, except when I do plead I end up with one sexual interlude. He says porn helps when his legs bother him in the wee hours of the night. But I’ve also found pics and porn throughout the day. He’s a liar. That is the truth. If he didn’t watch porn regularly then I would almost believe him when he says he loves me. It almost doesn’t even matter because saying I love you are just words. Meaning I want him to have sex with me. It’s been like this for about 4 yrs now. BTW I am beautiful. A few extra pounds. I was always a size 3/4 now I’m a size 10. Guys still look at me. I’m angry, so very angry over no sex. The anger has gotten worse since I’ve found hook up sites in google search. I’m 49 he’s 60 . I will agree his libido has changed. It’s not like it was, but he still has one!
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All men view porn—your guy and every other man on Earth with an Internet connection. Researchers have attempted to find men who don’t watch porn and compare them with men who do. They couldn’t find any who haven’t seen porn. None. Now, not every man views porn daily, but all men view porn. It’s an aid to masturbation, which men do much more than women. And for older men, like your 60-year-old guy, it’s often a way to reassure themselves that they can still feel sexually aroused. Young men feel aroused much of the time, then often feel very disconcerted when they hit 50 or so and arousal is suddenly no longer automatic. It takes work, which feels very unfamiliar to men. So they masturbate to porn to prove to themselves that they can still become aroused.
When couples have big desire differences and the woman wants more sex than the man, the women often blame the problem on the man’s porn habit. But as I mentioned, all men view porn, so porn may be a symptom of the problem, but it’s not the problem. The problem is a big desire difference between the two of you. Sex therapists have developed a program that helps couples resolve desire differences. I’ve distilled that program into a low-cost, self-help e-article, How Sex Therapists Recommend Resolving Desire Differences. I suggest you purchase a copy and discuss it with your man. All my resources come with a money-back guarantee so no risk to you.
But it’s also clear that you are angry and resentful about your situation. When anger overlays a sex problem, self-help resources don’t work as well. Their effectiveness depends on good faith and from your tone, you no longer believe your man is participating in the relationship in good faith. In cases like yours, I suggest consulting a sex therapist.
Sex therapy usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, clients DON’T have sex with therapists and therapists DON’T watch clients having sex. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
I hope a sex therapist can help you restore good faith and reach a compromise sexual frequency you both can live with. Good luck!