You stated in your AARP article about STI’s in older adults that you “might never have sex” with a partner if she was infected. You said you’d talk with several doctors. I guess you know it is so much more difficult for a positive female to pass to the male than the other way around. I guess you also know that with a suppressed virus, undetectable viral load, and good t-cell counts, having had a vasectomy before 30 years before being tested positive, and always using condoms during intercourse, is SAFE SEX. I became infected from my wife who was infected with blood transfusions around 1981. She did not know she was infected until 2000 and that is when I was also tested positive. I lost her in 2000 and have been searching for a partner that understands that with proper use of condoms, we can still have safe, sexual intercourse.
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You’re right. With proper precautions, i.e., condoms and information about viral suppression, sex with an HIV-infected partner can be safe. You’re also correct that it’s much more likely for men to pass HIV to women during unprotected intercourse than the other way around.
Sorry you found my recent AARP piece misleading. It wasn’t published exactly as I wrote it. It was edited and that resulted in a more skeptical treatment of sex with HIV-infected lovers than I intended. If I were involved with a partner with HIV, I would ask to see relevant medical test info about viral suppression, T-cells, etc., and I would probably want a three-way meeting: the women, her doctor, and me. And of course we’d use condoms religiously.
But you’re right. It’s not that difficult for people with HIV to play safely. The main issue is the general public’s phobia about AIDS. I apologize for any irritation that AARP piece caused.