I have a high sex drive and mostly I’m a tactile/visual person. However I’m having trouble keeping to do lists out of my brain during sex. It seems like everyone is always talking about fantasies and how they can improve sex lives. I don’t know how to fantasize (my parter will never tell me if he does and roll play make him feel silly.) I need spice, is fantasizing something I can learn?
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Have you ever daydreamed? Ever thought about travel to new places? Winning an award? Helping a friend? Winning the Lotto? Sexual fantasies are just like daydreams, except that they contain an erotic component. Sexual fantasies need not be elaborate stories, or any story at all. Maybe the term “fantasy” is the problem. Erotic fantasies are simply sexual thoughts that bubble up when you’re kissing, cuddling, and rolling around.
Have you ever meditated? The goal of meditation is to empty the mind and merge spiritually with the world around you. But it’s impossible to keep stray thoughts out of the mind, for example, the to do lists you mention. When random thoughts or your to do lists occupy your mind, meditation teachers advise gently pushing them aside. In anoretic context, push them aside and focus on thoughts of pleasure, anything that makes you happy and enhances your lovemaking.
For more on sexual fantasies, you might consider my low-cost e-article on the subject, Sexual Fantasies: Welcome Them. The article addresses a problem that’s more common than yours. Many people have fantasies and feel put off or frightened by them. But the article might provide some insights that help you.
I wish you great sex.