Depressed young man

In my community, we do not have sex with a partner until we get married. I’m single and have compulsive masturbating challenges, and I want to know if it is safe to edge till my bladder is full, and not let it come out, that much liquid. Also, why do I feel the need to orgasm and ejaculate? I do not enjoy the massage part of masturbation- only if I feel intense pressure and orgasmic release. Can you please clarify this for me?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    It’s perfectly normal to masturbate—at any age, for any gender, and whether single or partnered. I’m not sure what you mean by “compulsively,” but it’s perfectly normal to masturbate frequently, even daily, as long as it doesn’t interfere with life necessities: work, school, family, friendships, and other obligations.

    You say that in your community partner sex must wait until marriage. That suggests you grew up hearing sex-negative messages, including, I’m guessing, that solo sex is bad/harmful/sinful. Your community can believe what it wants, but 75 years of sex research show that masturbation is normal and fine, even frequent self-sexing. My advice: Enjoy yourself.

    You say you edge until your bladder is full, then release fluid on orgasm. That’s fine, too. Enjoy yourself.You might want to keep a towel handy.

    Why do you feel the need to orgasm and ejaculate? Several reasons: It’s normal and natural to be interested in sex, and if you can’t have partner sex, it’s normal and natural to want orgasms on your own. Your community sounds sex-negative, which turns sex into forbidden fruit, which makes it more attractive. Ejaculation usually accompanies orgasm, so that’s fine, too.

    In other words, relax. You’re fine. If you’d like more reassurance—and a great deal of information on all aspects of sex—you might consider reading my book, Sizzling Sex for Life. Enjoy yourself!

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