What to do when your new husband has suffered Ejaculation/Orgasm problems his entire life beginning in childhood. He was molested and raped for years beginning at 4 years old. He spent years focusing on not allowing himself to orgasm. He didnt want to give his molester the satisfaction. Now he can only cum when he masturbates so hard and fast that I can never work my arm fast enough to get him off. He is generous regarding pleasuring me, but we’ve been working together for a year as a couple trying to fix his difficulty without success. We want to have a baby naturally and can’t afford IVF.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s challenges. My heart goes out to him, and I congratulate him for surviving, no matter how he did it.
I offer a low-cost e-article, Can’t Get There? Help for Orgasm/Ejaculation Problems. I suggest you read it as background.
Its possible that the article might help, but given your husband’s traumatic history, I urge you both to consult a sex therapist asap. In my view, it’s your best bet. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
Now about getting pregnant: I appreciate that you’d like him to ejaculate inside you—and there’s an excellent chance that a sex therapist can help that happen. But if not, he could masturbate to ejaculation and you could use artificial insemination. It’s much cheaper than IVF.