Worried young man alone

Hi, I am a 20-year-old male who suffers from PE. I started masturbating at 11 or 12. I did not start watching porn until some time after that. I remember the first time, I was using the bathroom and my penis started to feel erect, prior to this time, I had no idea about masturbating or sex, nor do I remember doing anything sexual before this happened. I just started to touch it and it felt good. Being young and curious, I started to masturbate. I immediately felt pressure in my penis, and at that time, I did not know about ejaculation. All I know is that at the moment, it felt like I was about to pee, so I released my grasp, and wondered what was wrong. Sadly, not long after that happened, someone walked in on me in the bathroom, keep in mind, I wasn’t masturbating when they walked in. They just walked in the bathroom. So, I of course became more mindful of locking the door when masturbating. I also became very curious about what might happen if I didn’t stop when I assumed that I was going to pee. I ejaculated, and the feeling was amazing, and it was weird just trying to understand what  I was experiencing. I wasn’t so focused on the timing so much as I was focused on the feeling.

In 8th grade health class, I started to learn what was going on with my body. There were some really developed girls in my classes, and I had already heard stories about people having sex, and it seemed cool to have intercourse at an early age. I often would think about one girl specifically. But I was socially awkward, and didn’t have the nerve to approach her, or any other girl. I would fantasize  having sex with her, and I still don’t recollect having any memories of porn at this time, I just had my own visual on how I wanted to have sex with her, and I would masturbate while I thought about her, and at this point I still had no concern with how long it took, I just focused on ejaculating.

Time  passed and I encountered porn. I saw naked women having sex, and I was in absolute heaven. I started to think, “Hey, I don’t have to just imagine having sex, I can watch it while I masturbate.” My porn watching went from whenever I had access, to 4-5 times a week, to almost daily. Some days, I would masturbate 2-3 times.

In high school, my hormones were roaring. I was still a virgin freshman year. I remember a couple experiences with dry humping, which normally just got me really aroused and I would always have pre-cum, which I thought was normal, but at this age. I ended up losing my virginity to another virgin. The sex wasn’t how I imagined in my head, and obviously it wasn’t like sex in porn, and in all honestly, it wasn’t even a love thing, it was more of I’m tired of being the only virgin I know of. I rushed myself into something, which I regret to this day. It only lasted about 20-30 seconds before I pulled out. We had other people in the room and it was starting to become uncomfortable, and I wasn’t feeling anything. I did use a condom.

After this I experienced sex only 1 other time. I remember hearing discussions about sex and other people’s experiences. We were teenagers in a welding shop class, use your imagination. I remember people vividly describing how they would last long, and at this point, I wanted my own stories, and I also think this is when I became conscience about how long I would last. The opportunity presented itself again, and I had intercourse once more, this time, it was REALLY unpleasant. I was  15 at the time, and I was mostly worried about size and how long I would last. We both had our clothes on, and there was actually a little bit of foreplay with this girl. She was already experienced, I mean she had a child. I didn’t like the idea of doing it with clothes on, but I think it was a comfort thing for her. I remember she performed oral sex on me, and I remember not feeling anything until I figured out she ended up scraping the tip of my penis with her teeth. I remember at this point feeling pain, but I could also feel when I was going to ejaculate, and would stop accordingly, I remember checking my timing, and the only thing I remembered was that we had started about 20 minutes before we stopped, including stopping and starting again.

After this, I ended up going to military school, and there I would masturbate in the bathroom, and it was a high pressure situation, because there were a lot of traffic in these bathrooms, so I had to do it quickly or risk the chance of someone catching me or wondering what I am doing.

Now here I am, 5 years later. I have not had anymore intercourse. I did have phone sex, but that was it. Nothing physical, and I have become more conscience and acknowledge my problem with ejaculating quickly. I don’t want to last long solely for my benefit, I am more into it knowing that the woman is feeling good, that’s MY satisfaction, is knowing I did what I came to do. That’s where the problem is, I have no gauge on my performance, seeing that I did not have any actually pleasuring sexual activity besides masturbating, and I have been ejaculating quickly for as long as I can remember. I have my moments where I last, but only on rare occasions. It’s really starting to affect my self-esteem to the point where I won’t even talk to someone that I feel is interested in me. I am constantly worried about whether I am big enough and if I will last long enough to satisfy the woman in question.

So here are my questions.
1.) Was my first experience at 11 or 12 too early?
2.) Could that same experience have subconsciously cause me to rush my ejaculations (fear of another walk in)?
3.) Could it be possible that having so much experience exploring my likes and such, be the reason I ejaculate so quickly?
4.) The last time I measured my penis it was 5 inches, just a tad bit off from 6, off by a few cm’s. Most women, my age or above, consider that to be small? I know it’s average size, but I always hear them say that they want 7-8 MINIMUM, sometimes 9.
5.) Is there any way telling if my PE is a permanent case or just a matter of my situation and age?
6.) I have looked into Kegels, but can never tell if I am actually doing it properly, and most sites are never truly descriptive in the feeling you would have. Doing it while peeing and not peeing are 2 different things to me. Is there any suggestions with this? (I am not taking pills, numbing creams or solutions. I want to still be able to feel aroused when I am having intercourse, I just want to last longer. I’m not paying for anything because I know for facts they’re all scams.)

Please provide me with as much information as you possibly can. Thank you.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Well, that’s quite a saga. To answer your questions:

    1. First masturbating at 11or 12 is normal.
    2. Anxiety about people walking in on you may well have contributed to your PE.
    3. Exploring sex, per se, doesn’t cause PE. In fact, masturbating is a key part of curing it.
    4. Your penis size is normal. Most women don’t care about a man’s size, as long as he knows how to provide them with pleasure and help them to orgasm.
    5. Your PE is NOT permanment. You CAN cure it—and I can help you do that.
    6. Kegel exercises help intensify orgasm, but don’t have much to do with ejaculatory control

    It seems like you got most of your sex education from porn and from young peers who didn’t know much about it. This is typical. Your haphazard introduction to sex in NO way ruins you for sex in the future. You CAN have great sex, last as long you like, and please women. Here’s what I suggest—buy a copy of my e-book, The Best of Great Sex Guidance. It contains an extensive discussion of the program sex therapists recommend for learning ejaculatory control. It also contains information on penis size, women’s sexuality, how to please women, and much more. You can scan the table of contents here. I bet the e-book would answer your questions and set you on the path toward satisfying sex without all the anxieties you now have.

    Bottom line: Your story is not at all unusual. Many men have been introduced to sex more or less the way you were. With the information in the e-book, I’m confident you can enjoy great sex.

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