unhappy asian couple in bed

My wife has never experienced orgasm. How can I help her have one? I love to touch her all over, play and taste her clitorises, message her. She doesn’t enjoy sex. Lately she just says let’s get it over with and takes off her clothes and lays there. Soemtimes I just want to leave and find someone else, but I don’t. I  kiss her, play with her breasts and her clitoris. I use oil because she is very very dry down below. Most of the time, I feel like I’m making love to a plastic doll. She doesn’t move or touch me anywhere. What can I do to hopefully get her to have an orgasm, so maybe she will enjoy sex.



  • Michael Castleman says:

    You say your wife has never had an orgasm. OK, she’s never had one with you, but how about by herself? Has she ever masturbated to orgasm? That’s important. If she’s had orgasms solo, she can have them with you, if she’s into that.

    If she is, then I would recommend the classic self-help book Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heinman and Joseph LoPiccolo. There’s also an excellent companion DVD.

    But from what you say, it seems she’s not particularly motivated to work on this. If that’s the case, then I would recommend sex therapy. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, sex therapists are psychotherapists with extra training in sexual issues, who can provide relationship therapy as well as science-based insights into sexual issues and problems. Sex therapists do NOT have sex with you and do NOT watch you have sex. They rely on face-to-face conversations. They impart sex information and lovemaking insights, and often assign “homework.” Sex therapy typically lasts four to 12 months, depending on the relationship issues involved. Costs vary, but expect $200-300/hour. Some providers discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my the chapter on sex therapy in my book, Sizzling Sex for Life, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    If your wife refuses to try sex therapy with you, then I would recommend that you go by yourself. That’s suboptimal, of course, but a sex therapist can provide a safe place for you to vent your frustrations, and may also be able to make suggestions to get you at least some of what you want. I hope so.

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