Worried Mature Man At Home looking out window

Hello Michael,
I appreciate your time and answer in advance. I have premature ejaculation. To cure it, I started using the start-stop and squeeze techniques, both for about 2 months. I have two issues: 1)When I reach complete erection, I also reach the point of no return. I can stop but whenever I start again, I ejaculate in seconds. 2) When I have intercourse or masturbate to porn, whenever the woman moans, I hit the point of no return. So I can stop and start again, but then I can’t hold it for more than a couple of thrusting without ejaculation. How do I adjust my exercises to handle these two issues? Any advice is appreciated.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I urge you to return to the basics of the PE program. Practice stop-start while masturbating and not looking at porn. Go slowly and breathe deeply. A slow pace and deep breathing are crucial. Both help you relax and that allows you to learn ejaculatory control. Don’t rush through solo sex. Give it a month or two of daily sessions. You have to establish real control by yourself first. That means stroking, stopping, starting, then stopping and starting several more times while continuing to stroke. I’d also start with a dry hand, and then do it with a lubed hand.

    Once you have solid control solo, then return to your porn. Remember to maintain a slow pace, and breathe deeply. Start with a dry hand and progress to a lubed hand. When the women on screen start moaning—that’s deep breathing, and it’s a real turn-on—double down on deep breathing yourself, and work the stop-start exercise so you can stop and start many times without crossing your point of no return.

    Finally, some months down the road after you’ve established good control solo without and with porn, then ask your partner to help by slowly, gently stroking you as you breathe deeply. Signal her to stop and start. The goal is to stop and start several times. Once you have good control with her hand, then do the same with intercourse.

    The self-help program works for around 90 percent of men, but around 10 percent need one-on-one sex therapy. If you’re still having trouble four to six months from now, you might consider it. Sex therapy usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, clients DON’T have sex with therapists and therapists DON’T watch clients having sex. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    Best of luck with the self-help program!

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