mature couple lying in bed together

We have tried 3 lubricants at the same time and my thinning vaginal wall feels like it is splitting all over inside me and is very painful.
1) Is there anything I can take, eat, exercise, use inside to increase the thickness of my vaginal wall?
2) John is “ginormous” which adds to the pain. Is there a surgical procedure to enlarge my vagina? My doctor had never heard of such a thing and it seemed to disturb him.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Yes, vaginal atrophy is a real drag. Despite lubricants, it often makes intercourse uncomfortable or painful or impossible. I’m sorry you’re affected.

    No, other than episiotomy to ease childbirth, there is no surgery to enlarge the vagina. Your vagina’s size is not the issue. The issue is thinning of the vaginal wall. And no, there’s no known way to reverse that.

    But there IS a satisfying solution—sex without intercourse. Most older couples experience some form of the problem you face. Either the woman feels discomfort despite lubrication. Or the man can’t raise an erection sufficient for intercourse, even with drugs. Or both. Some older couples decide that if they can no longer have intercourse, then sex is kaput. Others adjust, saying, well, we can’t have intercourse anymore, but there are other satisfying ways to be sexual: mutual massage, oral sex, and toys. For more, I suggest you read my low-cost article, Great Sex Without Intercourse. You might also read Oral Sex Enhancement, and Introducing Sex Toys Into Partner Sex.

    It’s often a major adjustment for couples to bid farewell to the old in-out. Intercourse is reproductive sex, but sex involves much more than reproduction. It’s all about mutual pleasure—and there are plenty of non-intercourse ways to give and receive pleasure and enjoy orgasm.

    You have a three choices. Retiring from sex. Painful intercourse. Or adjusting to age-related changes by re-orienting your lovemaking away from intercourse to massage, oral, and toys. The choice is yours. If you choose to remain sexual, the adjustment to sex without intercourse typically takes around six months. After you’ve adjusted, I bet you enjoy lovemaking as much as ever, if not more. Good luck!

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