Is it wrong for older women to be with younger guys?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    No, it’s not wrong. Far from it. I know a couple, together 30 years. The woman is 20 years older than the man. And you may be familiar with “cougars.” They are older women involved with younger men (“cubs”).

    The main problem with a major age difference is that the two people grew up in different worlds. One says, “Ed Sullivan” and the other has no idea who he was or the cultural impact of his old TV show. Any differences can strain relationships, and big differences—in age, religion, ethnicity, education, etc.—can cause larger strains. But just as being the same age is no guarantee of lifelong happiness together, being significantly different ages doesn’t doom the relationship. It’s all about the two specific individuals and how they get along.

  • JeremyZ says:

    I’ve always believed that when an age difference is that great, there’s usually a daddy/daughter or boy/mommy element in one or both partner’s psychological makeup. Not necessarily a full-blown role-play along these lines, but just an emotional need or desire. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Some people are simply emotionally and sexually attracted to someone a generation-ish older or younger than themselves. It could be a simple and legitimate need to have a partner who is a bit more nurturing; or who is authoritarian. I’ve always been attracted to older women in this way. I’ve found that it’s easy to flirt with them (they usually enjoy it too). There’s a certain lack of interpersonal competition in these relationships, unlike in same-age relationships, that I find to be a relief. And maybe the natural age-related behaviors of being caring and nurturing to someone younger than yourself, and looking up to and seeking guidance from someone older than yourself, is at play. The older person is more experienced and wiser in some ways, and yes, there’s a certain taboo or daring quality in taking it in a sexual or romantic direction which is quite a thrill. And even an element of social pride, as if to say “I’ve earned the romantic affection of someone this age.” All of these things can be an extra glue that helps hold these relationships together. If it works for some people, that’s great. Lots of same-age relationships DON’T work.

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