I am 36 years old and my girlfriend is 43. We love each other very much and feel made for each other . She was married for many years to a bad man. Her ex forced her to have sex in ways she didn’t like. She told me she closed her eyes and just let him do whatever until he was done, the faster the better. Every day she dreaded his demands. She hated sex with him and never had orgasms. They divorced.
Craving Sex
I thought she was so damaged by her horrible marriage that sex was going to be a problem. No, she has orgasms with me and tells me I am a wonderful lover. Now I have too much of a good thing. She wants sex 24/7. She says, “I always want you inside me.” I’m younger, but she’s wearing me out.
My question: How do you explain such a huge change? I’ve always wanted it more than the woman. But this is very different.
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Clearly, you’ve shown her a new world of erotic pleasure, and she’s a kid in a candy store.
You don’t say how long you’ve been together, but she’s still in the hot-and-heavy period, the early, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other stage of the relationship. It sounds like you’re more past that.
Most hot-and-heavy periods last 6 months to two years. In her case, it might last longer because you’re not only madly in love, but she’s been liberated from a dark dungeon of sexual abuse into the light of a beautiful new day. So figure up to three years … though it’s also quite possible that she’ll continue to want sex more than you do.
You have a desire difference. Desired sexual frequency changes as relationships evolve, and unless the two lovers change identically, desire differences develop. Changes rarely happen in synch, so desire differences are very common, in fact one of the leading reasons why couples consult sex therapists.
Fortunately, the sex-therapy approach to negotiating a sexual frequency acceptable to both partners works quite well. As a first step to finding a happy medium, I suggest you read the article in the Info Library, “You Never Want To.” “You’re Insatiable.” How Sex Therapists Recommend Overcoming Desire Differences.
If the program in the article doesn’t do the trick, then I’d suggest a brief course of sex therapy. Desire differences can usually be negotiated in a dozen or so sessions. For more on sex therapy, read An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy. To find a therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.