I’m 38. My husband is 42. Sex, when we have it, is great. But he is overly sexed. If I were willing, he would mount me 24/7. Meanwhile, I’m under-sexed. I don’t have much sex drive, nothing like his. I’m rarely in the mood, which makes me guilty and drives him crazy. Is there anything I can take to heighten my libido? HELP PLEASE.
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Your libido is not the problem. Neither is his. You guys have a desire difference. Desire differences are almost inevitable in long-term relationships. They are one of the leading reasons why couples consult sex therapists, and my article on the subject is one of the best-selling articles on this site. I urge you to read it: “You’re Insatiable.” “You Never Want To.” How Sex Therapists Recommend Overcoming Desire Differences.
Try not to feel guilty. Different people have different libidos. You are who you are. There’s no “right” sexual frequency. But there’s probably a compromise frequency that will work for you. Follow the directions in my article. Talk about it. Don’t call each other nasty names. Reintroduce nonsexual affection into your relationship. And negotiate a compromise frequency, with the understanding that neither of you will get exactly what you want, but you can probably arrive at a frequency you both can live with.
If the article doesn’t provide sufficient relief, I’d recommend seeing a sex therapist. To find one near you, contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists or the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
Now about heightening your libido, there’s no magic potion. But two other articles might help: Six Keys to Getting in Shape for Great Sex, and Aphrodisiacs: Some Stimulate More Than Just the Imagination. Good luck!