Indian couple in bedroom

I absolutely love giving my wife oral sex and can’t get enough of it. I want to do that every time we make love, but she doesn’t like or want it, and we haven’t done that for years now. Without it, I can’t make her cum and she doesn’t even want me to manually stimulate her clitoris much either. I give her neck, shoulders, back and other massage for at least 20 to 30 minutes. This involves everything but her breasts, nipples or vulva. When I reach for those after this time, she pushes my hand away and then figures I’m getting bored and then moves over and gives me a blow job to get me hard and then we go to intercourse. Unfortunately, I can only last a couple minutes before ejaculating and that’s the end of it. She says she doesn’t need an orgasm and is fine, but deep down I don’t think she is.

Why would she not want oral sex? I think I’m pretty good at it as I’ve studied it a lot and am super enthusiastic giving it.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    How ironic. Usually, it’s women who want cunnilingus and some men are reluctant to provide it. You have the opposite situation.

    I have no idea why your wife dislikes oral, breast play, and vulvar caresses. But she does. It sounds like you respect her wishes more or less, which is good. No one should feel pressured to be sexual in ways they dislike.

    But her sexual preferences are clearly very different from yours—and I sympathize with you. Many men love to provide oral sex to women, and breast, nipple, and vulva play as well. So you must feel very frustrated.

    What to do about this? I suggest that you consult a sex therapist. Ideally, you and your wife would go together, but I’m guessing that she’s so sex-negative that she would not consider it. I hope she might, but I have my doubts. If she’ll go, great. The therapist can help her explore why she feels as she does, and if there are any ways she might accommodate you without straying from her own comfort zone.

    But if she refuses to see a sex therapist with you, I urge you to see one by yourself. The therapist can invite you to vent and may be able to provide some suggestions that get you somewhat closer to what you want.

    Costs for sex therapy vary, but expect $200-300/hour. Some providers discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my the chapter on sex therapy in my book, Sizzling Sex for Life, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I hope you can get closer to what you want.

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