Seniors in bed

My wife finally experienced orgasm with the help of a vibrator after many years of marriage. For the first couple of years, she described the feeling as a wave tingly pleasure that would start from her clitoris and shoot up to her ears followed by many very shallow but pleasant contractions around the surface of her vulva. Now after several years, she has a completely different feeling. No longer is there an electrical whoosh feeling. She now has much deeper and stronger contractions but fewer when the orgasm “catches” as she puts it. I know this because I can feel and count them with my finger or tongue. Overall it seems to take her a bit longer to come than before. Was was 15-20 min, now takes like 30 mins in average. Overall she misses her previous pattern and wonders if it will ever come back. Is this change a normal thing that females go through over the years? Or is this a permanent change? There really is no change in her overall health while her orgasm style has been evolving.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    As people grow older, many things change. Sometimes, you can get back to previous patterns and feelings. Sometimes not. Can your wife return to her precious orgasm pattern? The short answer is: I don’t know.

    Here’s the longer answer: Orgasm occurs as a result of contractions of the pelvic floor muscles, the ones that run between the legs of all genders. With age, these muscles often lose strength (tone). When that happens, orgasms feel less intense and it may take longer to work up to them. Re-strengthening those muscles can improve orgasms. The way to do this involves Kegel exercises. They’re easy to do and totally private. To learn how to do them, search “Kegel exercises.”

    With age, sexual energy changes. Young people can exert themselves all day and still have enough erotic energy to get it on late at night. But many older couples find that they no longer have sufficient energy for late-night sex, or any evening sex. Many older lovers switch to morning or afternoon lovemaking when they have more energy—and more energy for orgasm. You and your wife might try this.

    Finally, your wife might benefit from extended mutual whole-body caressing before you focus between her legs. One often-powerful tool is foot massage. All the major musculoskeletal nerve lines extend into the feet. Foot massage can be a powerful whole-body relaxer that improves lovemaking and orgasms. I suggest that you massage each of her feet for 5-10 minutes, either in bed or before the two of you get into bed.

    I hope these suggestions help. I wish you sizzling sex for life.

  • dobie123 says:

    Update….my wife’s orgasm pattern has changed again. Just on a whim we were in playful mood and having picked up a tip online we put a wedge of several pillows under her behind and something about the different orientation created more tension that led to a really fast orgasm for her with around 15 mins of mixed oral and manual stimulation plus just a few minutes of the vibrator to put her over the top at the end. This way i was also able for the first time to hold the vibrator for her so she was hands free. Continuing with the experimentation we found hanging her rear end off the edge of the bed also gives her the tension she needs to come quickly IF she wants to. So now instead of a pattern of waiting and wondering to see if her orgasm will come within 30-40 mins, now she knows how to position herself to get where she wants to go. Even better we have options where if she wants to go a long time she hold off on the goto moves that put her over the top

    Perhaps its just the way women constantly change (by design) along with the benefits of sticking with the same partner for decades so theres always variety in a long term relationship as well the benefits of getting to know how each others bodies work better and better over the years. I am learning (over 34 years of marriage) you have to embrace this change as a GOOD thing rather than get frustrated with your partner when something that worked one night doesn’t work the next

  • Michael Castleman says:

    Experimentation often enhances lovemaking. Not always, of course, but quite often. Experimentation, that is, novelty, releases dopamine in the brain, the neurotransmitter of pleasure. That’s why sex is often hotter in hotels than at home. Hotels are new and different. Congratulations on your experimentation, and on its benefits.

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