elderly black couple

Is sex better after 70? I’ve heard it feels better at that age. Is that true?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    It depends. Sex after 70 can feel wonderful if:
    • You have a partner with whom you enjoy making love.
    • You’re both healthy enough to have enjoyable sex.
    • You both successfully make the adjustments that older sex entails.
    • And you both are appropriately assertive about what you need for pleasure and orgasm.

    The adjustments include less emphasis on intercourse and more on kissing, cuddling, mutual whole-body massage, and oral sex, and if you’re so inclined, toys. Intercourse is the hallmark of reproductive-age sex, but after those years, after the late 40s, intercourse becomes increasingly problematic. Even with the drugs, most men develop erection issues that make intercourse difficult or impossible, and women develop vaginal dryness and possibly atrophy that, even with lubricant, can make intercourse uncomfortable or impossible. So older couples who remain sexual usually transition away from intercourse toward other forms of sensuality, with genital play evolving toward mutual hand massage, mutual oral, and toys.

    Some older lovers mourn the loss of intercourse. It is a loss. But older sex also represents a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to redefine lovemaking and discover new pleasure, intimacy, and satisfaction.

    One rarely remarked pleasure of older sex is that men and women are more erotically in synch. Young men and women are often out of synch. Young men heat up instantly but most young women don’t, so many young women complain that their lovers are all finished before they even feel ready for genital play. Aging slows men’s arousal so it’s more in line with women’s pace of arousal. So older sex can feel less conflicted and more loving and playful.

    Finally, older couples usually become more assertive of their erotic needs. They’re less intimidated by all the “shoulds” of younger sex, that things “should” proceed in a certain way. There are no shoulds, just what the two lovers negotiate for their enjoyment and satsifaction.

    For more on this, I suggest you read my article, Older Sex Can Be the Best Sex of Your Life.

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