Sad senior man sitting at table

I had a normal sex life well into my early 70’s. My wife came down with Alzheimer’s which ended our sexual life. I recently met a 78-year-old woman who, for her age, is sexually doing well. We enjoy messing around but even though I get aroused and want to erect, I don’t. My health is good but I do have a Pacemaker. I had cancer and lost a kidney. My surviving kidney they rate at stage 3 so do not know if that is a contributing factor. Like I say, I have the desire, but I am thinking that our age might have made intercourse not possible. Is this normal?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I doubt that your pacemaker or lost kidney have much to do with your erection situation. If you want a professional opinion, I suggest consulting a sexual medicine specialist, or a urologist.

    If you absolutely want an erection sufficient for intercourse, your doctor would probably be willing to prescribe an erection drug. At a high dose, it might work, but you won’t have a porn-star erection and you may not like the side effects. And even if you like your chemical erection, your lady friend may have vaginal dryness, which could make intercourse uncomfortable or impossible for her. A lubricant might help, but maybe not.

    Most older lovers in your situation bid farewell to penis-vagina intercourse and opt instead for “outercourse,” all the many ways couples can be happily sexual without intercourse: mutual whole-body and genital massage, oral sex (each of you providing and receiving), and sex toys.

    For more on outercourse, read my low-cost article on it. This site’s Info Library also contains several other articles that relate to couples like you guys, older folks who want to remain sexual. Good luck!

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