Free Q&A Archive

I’m a 28 year old virgin and I can only get off to hentai (Japanese animated pornography). My mother has been nagging me to find a girlfriend but I have no physical attraction to real women anymore. What do you recommend I do to find real women attractive again?

Michael, your excellent article, “The Last Word on The Length Of Men’s Erections” included this paragraph: “ Why is there such a pronounced orgasm gap? Largely because only a minority of men understand that most women need direct clitoral caresses to work up to orgasm. Many women don’t receive sufficient clitoral massage and cunnilingus to get there. Any size erection can bring great pleasure to the man it’s attached to.”

While this is helpful, my question is related to the minority of women who DO have orgasms from vaginal intercourse, alone. Have any studies regarding women’s preference of penis size discovered a difference in size preference between women who primarily need clitoral stimulation verses those who prefer and can orgasm from vaginal intercourse, alone? I can see how penis length wouldn’t matter as much if a woman primarily needs clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. But if a woman orgasms from vaginal intercourse, alone, and in fact prefers vaginal intercourse over clitoral stimulation, might there be a preference in penis size that differs from women who only need and prefer clitoral stimulation?

Many thanks for your insights.

Would you please tell me: Is it true that the older men get the more sexual they become? If it is, would you please explain why?

I am 77. For a few years now, I no longer feel the thrilling high of orgasm. Docs tell me this is normal! Is it really?

I am 77 and in good health. My wife is 59 and has Breast Cancer. Her illness has been a difficult journey for both of us. We haven’t enjoyed sexual intimacy for almost a year. As a result of her recent surgeries and the long-term recovery process, it will be much longer before we will be able to begin embracing sexual intimacy again. During this time, what steps should I take to maintain and even strengthen my sexual fitness to ensure my sexual readiness when our time for sexual intimacy returns? Thank you!

I just have a question in regards to your article in Psychology Today
speaking of vaginal looseness and tightening. I have an issue with vaginal
looseness. It feels like a giant open cavity when my partner is inside of me
and it’s hard for me to feel him. He is well endowed. I struggle with
kegels a lot as I can’t find the time to do them once a day let alone as
many times as you said to in your article. When I am alone and using a toy I
have no issues with feeling it. I guess I am relaxed and I am not having any
performance anxiety. My partner is not into foreplay. It really is a turn
off for me. But again I try to get into when I am on top but it sparks my
anxiety and ability to feel him and I feel very loose and not grounded. We
have done the position that you suggested with myself legs closed with him on
top – it definitely helps but I feel he isn’t able to go deep enough. The
other position that works is me laying on my front with legs closed. But I
really want to do more positions. I can’t access my clitoris in either and
so it’s less enjoyable for me. We really are not intimate and a times I
feel our touch is awkward because we don’t touch enough. Or even build the
intimacy before intercourse. If all it takes is me strengthening my pelvic
floor than I will do it! But please help guide me here! Feel very lost!
I’ve never had children so I can’t relate to why I am so loose feeling
and I am 42 but I’ve had this issue since my 30s.

My wife and I have been married 17 years. I have been working on my sexual self very earnestly for the last three years. With the help of your info on PE, I am in a better place on that front. I have also become a much better partner to my wife. I really enjoy being erotic with her— asking about her desires and wants, and listening to her. At her request, we have introduced light BDSM. It’s not my thing, but I’ m happy to engage in it as her partner. We have also introduced lots of toys (vibrators and very large dildos). I find these add a lot of fun to our erotic time together. She says she is the happiest sexually she has ever been.

The issue I don’t know how to change is … my wife is a pillow princess. She wants everything done *to* her. I enjoy doing her. I really do. It’s so much fun and also erotically fulfilling. But when I ask for some attention, some focus on me and my pleasure, she shows no interest. After she’s finished, she just lays there and expects me to finish quickly. She does not enjoy oral sex and doesn’t like providing it. She rarely if ever even touches my body.

Like I said, I enjoy being the giver. But I also have a desire to receive affection and erotic attention from her. I have made some practical suggestions like occasionally may I orgasm first? We will keep all of your favorite toys handy and I promise to stay connected as I recover and then will happily and enthusiastically focus on you. We tried this and…she just laid there. Eyes closed. Detached. It wasn’t the sex I desired. I want to feel wanted and I want that *done to* feeling too. Just a little bit of the time would be nice.

Do you have any practical suggestions for helping break our pattern?

I tested negative for trichomoniasis in January, then positive in November of the same year, but I’ve been with the same partner for two years. Is it possible he did not cheat as he claims?? The physician who conducted my tests say there’s no way I could’ve gotten it unless one of us cheated, and I’m too loyal for all that drama. Thank you in advance.

Hi Michael: I suffer great anxiety over my man’s porn watching. I was happy to find your article explaining that men self-sooth by using porn, and that they still love and desire their woman. But at the very end you switched it to men using porn to turn them on for partnered sex, which to me is completely different. Please explain why that man who was turned on by porn isn’t imagining the woman who turned him on in the first place? Why isn’t he disappointed when he turns away from the fantasy and sees his true to life woman? I get older everyday and there’s an endless supply of young woman for him to fantasize about, how can I understand this?

My wife and I have been together for 42 years. I am 65. Fifteen years ago, after flagging sex drive, I was diagnosed with a pituitary tumor that was successfully removed. Since then I have been on daily testosterone. As a result, I now have the sex drive of a 30 year old. Since her menopause at 55 (we are the same age), my wife has gradually shut down our sexual contact. Now she no longer wants any physical contact at all, except for the occasional perfunctory peck. I have repeatedly asked her to work on this with me in counseling, but she has consistently refused. I eventually responded that I would no longer beg for physical contact and have retreated into myself. I am fit and healthy and I need to cum every day. I masturbate regularly and have for years now resorted to happy ending massages to get my need addressed for touch, intimacy and skin to skin contact. It’s expensive but physical need cannot be rationalized away. I would have thought that this marital situation is quite common. However the lack of articles suggest otherwise. Is my situation so unusual?